The Unwanted

A Ball of Sunshine

Under the blazing Sun...

That is my very first memory of you. I was mesmerized by your bright childish smile, dumbfounded with your angelic voice and captured with your overflowing energy and radiance. You're a walking ball of sunshine, all bright and giddy, giving everyone a good vibe.


According to rumors you are a volunteer doctor, one of the youngest top surgeon in the Pediatric Industry, but what keeps everyone in the dark is the reason why you suddenly stopped practicing.


I see you visit the hospital once a month and you spend most of your time in the pediatric ward. Talking and playing with the children and making them feel better.


You tell them stories about Prince and Princesses battling against dragons and evil witches. All of your stories are entertaining, even I as an adult gets indulged into them and get jealous because I wanted to sit with the children and stare at you as you make those animated but adorable faces making your stories more believable and entertaining.


One thing that I really like about you is Your boyish grin. Your silly antics. You have captivated the little boy in me, along with all the children that you had given your love and undying hope that one day, everything will be okay. That one day they will be out of that sickening room, able to play under the rain and run under the sun.


I was given a chance to speak to you personally when my supervisor asked me to assist you. It was my 3rd month in that ward and my third time seeing you.

"Hello, I'm Beam ", You greeted me with all smiles and a welcoming hand.


It’s stunning I may say. Seeing your smile up close and personal. The thought that it was all directed for me made my heart beat faster. And you don't know how bad I wanted to hit my self for appearing unintentionally rude when I noticed your disappointed glance when I didn't shook your hand but you were so good at hiding it, and acting like everything’s alright.


I have come to a conclusion that what you're doing is actually fun and much more satisfying than giving those poor children medicines to make them feel better. When they're with you their laughter is as loud as their cries when its time to inject those chemicals that mankind invented as so called treatment for their illnesses, but what most people don’t know is that, laughter is more powerful than any drug ever invented.


The whole day has been filled with laughter, music and rainbows of hope. You bid good bye to the children and just like the events before that, whines and cries for you to stay a little longer followed. I silently chanted with then. Hoping that you would stay and share a part of You a little bit more.

Unlike before, You surprisingly agreed to stay and You even agreed to sing when one of them asked you to.


Your voice. It was velvety soft and comforting. It’s drowning me into this pit and I don't know how fight the force that's pulling.

Deeper and deeper.


Your eyes were closed. You utter every word, with so much emotion. You made everyone feel that it was not just the children who needs cure but all of us, deep down in our hearts, we are in need of hope. Hope that one day everything is going to be okay.


To us who belong to the medical field, we call it false reassurance. But coming from you, It doesn't sound like one.

And It only take one’s faith to believe.


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It was the fifth month when I finally got the chance to meet you outside of the hospital.

It was a very cold night.

The October wind brings chills up to my spine, but the moment I saw you're figure under the light of the lone lamp post at the bus stop, warmth coursed through me, making my stomach whirl with an unknown force, my heart fluttered and it doubled its pace when you suddenly flashed your bright smile towards me.

You smiled at me and the thought that it is for me and me alone, made my cheeks burned and my hopes boost. I smiled back at you and again greeted you with a bow. The silence was eerie but comforting. Giving me the courage to approach you and ask you a question that I have been thinking since the first moment I saw you.


"Hi.." I started.
Once again you looked at me and gave me one of your cute toothless smile.

I inhaled deeply and blurted out.

"Would you like to grab a drink?", I uttered with my fake confident tone.
You smiled at me but it was different from the one that you usually have. It was apologetic and It crushes my hope a bit.


"I'm sorry Forth, but I don't really drink.". And so it dawned on me that what you perceive is different from what I am trying to imply.


"No!! no!! no!". My arms flailed in front of me , my head shaking left and right as I tried to clarify my intention.

"I mean coffee. Since the weather is cold and all. I just thought that maybe you wanted to have a cup of coffee with me and… I... ahh… You know… I'm sorry I know I am not making any sense but I really wanted to get to know you.".

Oh crap! Very well said stupid. I could only smack myself and strangle my neck mentally, now you'll think I have a loose screw!

Stupid train of thoughts. But my road to self destruction took a halt when I heard you saying that coffee sounds good along with your usual smile and gleaming eyes.


Oh God I think I would faint. But no! This is not the proper time to get incoherent and strange thoughts. I heard you calling my name when the bus arrived and told me that you know a nice place.

And so the night was filled with your laughter and more of your smiles that I think I am addicted into. I was also given a chance to get to know you more. Simple facts that matters and simple acts that made my heart tumble.

Oh god help me . I think I'm in love.


_____________________


A night with coffee has been spent a few more months after that. I know that we are constantly seeing each other but I still can't find the courage to confess.

I am falling deeper and deeper against gravity and I can't help it. For every single thing that I come to know about you makes my heart cherish you even more. One funny fact that I have discovered unpleasantly about you is that you don't like sharing your food with anyone once you had started eating it. One afternoon at the ward. While letting the children have their snack. Another surgeon asked your opinion about the condition of one of our patients. He asked me to bring the child's chart for you read. And you looked really cute while sucking a lollipop.


Your lips around that sweet confection gave me the urge to try and taste it.

I abruptly took it from your hand when you remove it from your mouth, about to say something and teasingly put it right into my mouth tasting its sweetness, your sweetness.


I grinned at you, expecting to see one of your playful smiles but all I saw was your panic stricken face then anger flashed in. You grabbed the lollipop off of my mouth, threw it in the dust bin and left fuming.

I was dumbfounded I may say. I didn't know that you detest it that much. I tried to call you but you never picked up. I tried to know your address but nobody knew where you live. Or they just don't want to tell me.


A month without communication, and the next thing I know, you were back at the ward. All sweet smiles like nothing happened. I said sorry, and you told me that you're sorry too.

We've met once again at the bus stop and you act still the same.

And that night, I have decided to take the risk because I can't imagine my life without you.

That night, I have invited you somewhere private. I ordered our coffee as take outs and walked towards the beautiful River. It was past 9pm and the place  was quite deserted, just a few number of couples strolling, having their private time.


"Doctor Beam" I uttered, took a deep breath as you look at me. I held your hand and I can feel your entire body stiffen. I brought it close to my lips and gently kissed your knuckles. It was the sweetest gesture that I could do. I looked straight to your eyes as I tried to convey what my heart wanted to tell.


You tried to look away and got uncomfortable and it hurts seeing you like that.

"Beam" I whispered as I can't hold back the urge to make you feel how I badly wanted you to be mine.


As I moved closer I can see fear in your eyes and I wanted it gone, I took the gap between our faces and captured those thin pink lips that makes the sweetest smile.

I felt you held your breath as your lips touched mine.

It was soft but tender and it was sweet just like how that lollipop tasted.

You were rigid at first, a simple kiss.
Your lips touching mine.
A few more pecks and you finally relaxed as you exhaled through your nose and latched your arms around my neck as I encircled mine around your waist, pulling you closer, tighter, devoid from any possible space between us.

As I coaxed you to open your mouth for me, you finally gave in, and flooded my tastebuds with more of your sweet taste.

I was like a hungry beast and you are my prey.


When air has been a necessity I hesitantly let your lips go.

Your face flushed eyes closed and you’re having a hard time catching your breath, while I place loving pecks in your cheeks, your closed eyes and the tip of your nose.

I was so happy.

But when I noticed a trail of wet marks marring your cheeks, I started to panic.

I was so stupid. I should have not forced you.

I tried to speak.

"Beam, I really like you. I like you so much that it hurts me not having you near. Not seeing your bright smile. I want you Beam... I think I’m going crazy...  Please.. Please don't cry." I pleaded, brushing off the tears staining your soft cheeks.

I don't like seeing you like this. I wanted you to speak, to tell me something, to answer me.

But I never wanted to force you again. And so I collected the sobbing you in my arms. Hugged you, hoping to channel out my love for you. And your sobs grew louder. As you held onto me tighter.

"I'm so sorry Forth! Oh God I'm so sorry! You can't have me, I- I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone." you murmured in between hard sobs.

I was puzzled. I took your shoulder and look at you. Trying to figure out what you we're trying to convey.

"What do you mean? You're beautiful, you're perfect, you deserve to be loved."


But you just shook your head and buried your face to your hands, covering them as you cried your heart out. Muttering words that I can not comprehend. I took your hands away. And your words. Made my world crumble. It stopped revolving. And I felt cheated.


My strength fell off the drain. My hold on you weakened. And you left running.

As I was left there hanging. Asking God why does it have to be me.

Why does it have to be you.

You with your bright smile. You who seems to have no problem in the world.

Your words echoed inside my head. Mocking me over and over.

"I am sick Forth.... I'm Dying..."




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Hi^^

This is actually my first story here in wattpad and I am not familiae yet on how things work here. Hehe...

Anyway let me know your thoughts.

This was originally made as a oneshot and I'm not sure if I should continue but we'll never know.

I still hoped you guys liked it. THANK YOU 😗😗