Home is where the heart is (Berena)

Chapter Four

With Bernie finally asleep on the sofa , she laid there peacefully falling into a deep sleep with drowned out the sounds of the busy wards and and sirens, she had her back to the coffee table so she was facing the back of the sofa , she didn't know why but that made her feel safe until the nightmares had taken over her dreams, which had started to make Bernie sweat with fear.

Once Serena was finished attending her patient in bed four, she put the file down on the reception desk as she filed out what she needed to fill out, After she done what she needed to do Serena walked into theroom to the sound of a softly snoring Bernie, it made her giggle gentility, She approached the sofa and found a spot where she couldsit down, it was only then see saw the sweat on Bernie's for head.

Serena watched her as she slept before taking Bernie's hand and held it making Bernie wake up quickly, thinking something was wrong , Bernie had that look on her face where she was confused about was about to cry due to the nightmare she just had , Serena held her hand and stroked it softly before speaking

"Hey it's okay, it's only me, just take your time" she said softly reassuring her, Bernie nodded a little as she tried to get her breathing under control , Serena kept hold of her hand so Bernie knew that Serena was still there.

The blonde finally got her breathing back to normal after a couple of minutes and gave a Serena a smile smile before giving her a nod to say thank you as she didn't want to talk about it just yet. Serena smiled softly back at her and moved her hand to the blondes cheek giving it a gentle stroke "your safe darling " she said softly reassuring her again.

The blonde nodded again before sitting up more to let Serena sit on the sofa more comfortably , Serena watched her and smiled "hey I was fine with the way I was darling" she said softly knowing that Bernie was comfy. Bernie looked at serena who still had sweat dripping from her forehead but gave her a small smile.

"How about a cuppa tea or a coffee then we could talk about that dream you had?" Serena asked softly rubbing her thumb against her hand to let her know that she wasn't going to let anyone try to hurt her.

"Ca..can I have a coffee with two sugars?" She asked in reply to Serena's question before nodding to say yes to the other part of the question.

Serena smiled knowing that Bernie had tried to  get some sleep while she had been dealing with a patient "hey of course you can, I'll make just how you like it " she said softly before kissing her cheek before getting up to go over to the sink.

As Serena boiled  the kettle and put a spoonful of coffee into Bernie's mug with two sugars , Bernie looked round the room again this time thinking on what to say, Serena looked over at her again, smiling as she knew that her Bernie was safe , she looked back at the mug before pouring the hot water and then the milk and gave it a stir making sure it was how Bernie liked it. Before she made herself a cuppa tea , she lifted the two cups and carefully brought them over placing them into the coffee table.

Serena sat down on the sofa "here you go darling, made just how you like it" she said putting her arm around Bernie's neck pulling her into a cuddle, Bernie smiled "Thank you" she said softly but quietly , Both of them reached for their drinks and took a sip and placed both their mugs back down onto to the table, Bernie moved a little just to get comfortable in the end she had put her head on  Serena's lap knowing if she did fall asleep she would be safe and protected.

"Hey it's okay darling" Serena said more softly as she let Bernie comfortable in her lap and started to stroke her soft blonde hair, Bernie smiled to her touch, as she stared at the two mugs that was on the table, she didn't know how to to talk about her nightmares as she was scared that she was being stupid about them, but she wanted to tell Serena about them as she knew that Serena won't judge her if she talked about the nightmares.

Bernie took a breath before trying to make a sentence that made some sort of sense "it..." she said before pausing.

Serena cut in but spoke softly to her "Darling, it's okay don't rush your self, just take your time, I'm in no rush" she said lifting her cuppa tea to have another sip, Serena didn't care that they was sitting in silence, she just cared that she was sat in silence with her Girlfriend. Bernie moved again but this time she moved to look up at Serena and gave her a soft smile and took her hand and held it tightly but not to tight , she was gonna try to give it another go at telling her when the nightmares started.

"It started after the operation... I mean it wasn't so bad... and when I got with you, it went completely... but it made its way back slowly ...  but when I went to Ukraine... it came back...I didn't want to worry you..."

"You still should of told me, I could of helped baby,I didn't want you to go to Ukraine, you know I didn't"

"I couldn't tell you.. you needed space to grieve, you just lost your daughter I couldn't put more stress on you"

"Bern you wouldn't off, your health matters to me, you should know that, I'm here to help Bernie" Serena said before pausing to ask her an important question "is that why you couldn't contact me? I mean was it because of those nightmares?"

Bernie looked into her eyes before giving a little nod "I'm sorry, I know I should of made an effort to call you , or to even send you a text to say I was safe but I just didn't know how to, I get that you was angry with me because I didn't make an effort I was just too scared.."

"Hey, I'm not angry at you anymore, now I know the truth but I wished you did send a text even it was something small like "I'm fine or can you call me?" I would off picked up the phone straight away Bern, I love you to much to lose you"

"I don't wanna lose you to, your the only thing I thought about while in Ukraine" she said as a few more tears rolled down her face, Serena softly wiped them "Hey don't cry, I'm here , I'm gonna keep you safe, we can get through this together"

"Will the nightmares ever stop?"

"Of course they will darling , I'm gonna get you the best Specialist that can help can help you, just promise me you'll go?"

The blonde nodded listening to Serena before answering her question with another question "If I do decide to go would you come with me?"

"Of course I'll come, I'll come with you for how ever long you want me there sweetheart, I just want you to have someone to talk to if you ever feel like you can't talk to me, I don't want you to bottle up your feelings anymore"

"I don't bottle up my feelings.."

"Sweetheart you do, I've the way you look at me like you wanna say something but you hold it in because you think it's not important, or that your not important, Bernie you are important, especially to me"

Bernie gave her another nod "I'm sorry"

Serena gave her a soft smile before kissing the blondes forehead "I forgive you"

The blonde closed her eyes feeling Serena's soft lips against her forehead "can I stay over yours tonight, I mean if that's okay with you and Jason?"

"I would love that, I'm sure Jason love that to" Serena replied softly and watched Bernie seeing her yawn again "why don't you try to get some more sleep? I'm not going anywhere " she said more softly.

Bernie closed her eyes listening to Serena's voice, slowly falling asleep on to her lap while Serena went back to stroking the Blondes soft hair.