It wasn't my fault. But I'm always the one getting blamed. I can't take it anymore. I slammed the door shut as I locked it afraid my dad would barge in and yell at me some more. What did I ever do to deserve this? My best friend tried committing suicide, and she's the only one who never ditches me. Anymore, that is. I'm Emo and she is kinda Scene. I stared out the window, it was raining. I found out my boyfriend doesn't even care anymore. Did he ever care? Or was he only pretending? I don't even know anymore. So many lies that it's hard to keep up. I was shaking. Listening to my CD and crying my eyes out. I held my hair tightly, hurting my head. I flopped over on the bed putting my arm over my mouth so I didn't let out a yelp while crying so badly. I looked over to see my knife and I thought for a second. The lyrics rang in my head "Say my last goodbye, goodbye." It took me a few seconds to get up because I was afraid of yelping loudly. The sun was going down and I got out my suitcase. I packed my radio, clothes, money, CD's, bracelets and more things. I picked up the picture frame of Shay and I looking at it for a couple of seconds as tears rolled down my cheeks and hit the floor. I slammed it on the floor as the glass came up and nearly hit my face, but I just stood there staring at the wall, thinking. How could she do this to me? I waited until my parents went to sleep and then I ran out the back door of my house and walked away. I left a note for them, explaining everything they needed to know. The rest was MY business. As I stopped at Shay's house, I stood there thinking if I should tell her, or let it be. I hesitated but left without leaving the note behind. Why does she need to know? I'm still pissed at her. As the night wind blew my hair all around, my iPod sang with words. I sighed very big wondering where to go. I was so afraid. Where do I go? What if I get kidnapped? What if I get raped and get AIDS or HIV? My hands were shaking and I put the pocket knife in my jacket pocket.
"DARRIEN!!!" I heard my name from a distance. I looked back to see Shay standing there in her PJ's. I was confused. Her grandma would never let her out this late...
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" I asked in a dark and rude tone.
"You should to, and what are you doing out here so late? Ar-" She looked down at my suitcase and her eyes widened as she slowly stared back up at me. I didn't care. "Please... Don't leave me..." She looked down, tears filling her eyes. I frowned. "I'm leaving no matter what you say. You can't hold me back. Not any longer." I said turning around starting to walk away. She grabbed my wrists, my weak spot. Fresh cuts, and she was squeezing them. "LET GO!" I screamed jerking my hand away and shutting my eyes tightly as tears escaped my eyes. I looked away quickly, not wanting her to see me cry. I covered my mouth with my hand. We stood there in silence about 2 minutes. I cried more and I ran.
"DARRIEN!!!" She tried to chase me but her grandma came out yelling at her.
That was the last time I'd ever see her again. She had no idea what my mind was screaming. As I cried and cried down the road the sun rose. I looked at the time, "5:30". I sighed looking up at the sky, wondering if God was really there. Was he? Cause if he was.. He wasn't here for me enough. I kept getting calls on my cellphone, but I sent them to voice mail. I finally rested on a rock, putting my knees up and hiding my face in them sobbing. A few minutes later I felt a touch on my shoulder. I pulled out my knife and nearly cut the person but he held my hands against the building. "Hey, I won't hurt you. Why are you crying so badly?" He asked, smirking. Tears fell more and he brushed them away with his thumb, letting go. "Let's go to the building over there." He pointed to a building that read "Kellin's Restaurant." I looked down shoving my hands in my pockets. Suddenly my phone rang again. Shay. I sent her to voice mail staring at my feet. "Why are you send-"
"Look. It has nothing to do with you, OK? Now, may I leave?" I asked, knowing I might get close to him, and I don't want that. I don't need anyone anymore.. Every time I got close to someone; something bad always happened. And I was so tired of it. I started to walk off but he grabbed my hand. I shivered getting the chills. The wind blew harder and inside I could feel myself shutting down. Was this all a dream? He looked me in the eyes. "Are you alright?" I finally looked at him, my hair blowing in my face. I sighed. "I'm fine." I walked away knowing that I wasn't fine, inside I felt like I had no soul and that I was all alone, but It didn't matter. He ran after me and I got angry. "Where are you-"
"STOP FOLLOWING ME! I DON'T-"
He put his hand over my mouth, putting his finger over his lips. What was he doing? I heard a whisper in the wind and I gasped as my eyes widened. I couldn't make out what it said...
"Alone.." I heard it and understood it.
I saw that the boy was gone and I shrugged walking away. A couple hours later my mom called. I sighed as I threw the phone in the street. Cars ran it over crushing it. I looked at the sky, wondering why I left.. Of course I was mad and tired and depressed... but... I felt so alone... But I can't go back, not now. They'll kill me and never let me out and have alone time again. I hugged myself tightly shutting my eyes as tight as I could. Tears rushed down my cheeks like rockets.
I heard myself yelping silently and I didn't wanna open my eyes. It was a cold day and all I could think of was goodbye. From everyone I loved. Every time I got close to someone... They always ended up leaving. So I decided to be the one leaving. I heard another whisper and I slowly opened my eyes.
"Waiting for superman?" The boy chuckled. I rolled my eyes wiping my tears with my sleeve.
"I don't wanna talk to you..." I said to him.
"And why not?" He asked, looking at me.
"Because.. I'm just gonna get close to you. And I don't want that.."
He chuckled again. "Your just like me..." I said, looking at the sky with me.
I turned and loosed at him. "What..?"
"I'm a runaway, to. And.. I know why you don't wanna get close with me, I feel like that to. But I wouldn't leave you..."
I looked at him fast the tears falling again. "You know how many times I heard that!? And then they just left without goodbye's or just le-"
He sighed.
He talked to me more, but all I heard was the wind. But I heard the last words..
"And you'll love me, as a friend."
"It'll take a lifetime before I love again.." I replied calmly.
He gasped and looked over at me staring at the medium sky.
I was just being honest..
