Ramblings

Love

I've never experienced romantic love. All I know is familial and platonic love. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm twenty years old and haven't felt something that most people feel by the time they're eighteen. Throughout the years, I've thought a lot about what it would be like meeting my first love, being with them. I've heard so much about it from so many people, yet I still haven't a single clue about it. Love is the kind of thing where you can't go off of other people's descriptions because everybody is different. Everyone's experiences, feelings, thoughts, personalities, mechanisms, and genetic makeup is different, so everything, no matter what, is different from person to person.

There's been days where I've wondered if I was even going to meet the love of my life. Because there is only one, right? I mean, that's what people say; that everyone has their one 'soulmate'. But, what if something happens to that soulmate? What happens after? Are people supposed to just live the rest of their life alone and out of love? Or what if said soulmate dies before I even get a chance to meet her? How do I even prove that she existed at one point then? How will I even know that someone I love in the future isn't my 'true love' that was meant for me? Or is the myth that there are a couple soulmates for everyone true? And if so, what if I meet two of them? Would that mean that you can love two people at the same time? But I believe in monogamy, so am I supposed to choose one of them? Make a pros and cons list for them then make a decision?

Everything is just so confusing, especially since I've grown up being taught that I should meet someone, fall in love, marry them, then live the rest of my life. Every story I was told had a happy, married couple. It seemed as if that was the goal for life: a happy family. But what if my life has other plans?

Now, these are my thoughts on the whole 'love' topic. And again, this is coming from someone who has never fallen in love with anybody before. Maybe my opinions will change if that ever happens, but for now this is what they are.

People say 'love' is the ultimate goal of life. They say life is just a game and love is the prize at the end. But what happens after you achieve love? Is there a sequel to the game? What about those people who never find love? Does their game become never-ending? No, because their life will end even if they don't find love. So was their life a failure; did it have no purpose? No, because everybody has a purpose; everybody has a meaning in life. But no one's purpose is 'love.' Love is just an idea; a feeling; a phase. How does one attain something that may not even exist? They don't, that's how. So how is it the purpose for everyone if some people may not even get it? It's not, that's how. All love is, is a chapter in life, some longer than others, but a chapter nonetheless.

I get why people make such a big deal out of love, however. It is said to be the most powerful emotion in the world; it is said to be overwhelming and one of the best feelings, but is also said to be scary and one of the worst feelings ever. Why would love have any negative effects and outcomes if it is the purpose to life? I get that once you find it that you're as happy as you'll ever be and that you'll feel complete, considering this 'love' is your other half. When two people who love each other are broken apart, they feel as if their heart is broken, which it is. A human heart is shaped sort of like a fist (for those who don't know). When two people fall in love, their individual hearts connect (emotionally and spiritually, not physically). But, if it were physically, then the two hearts would form the heart shape we teach kids: ♥. Two hearts form this shape and they grow accustomed to it, it becomes a familiar 'home' you could say. So when the two people are broken apart, it seems as if their heart is literally breaking, even though it's only going back to it's original, individual form. 'Heartbreak' can do a lot to a person, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It can change them completely. This change occurs because the individual either doesn't want to go back, or doesn't remember what normal was.

Everybody says heartbreak is normal and that it's just a phase that you'll eventually get over. But, if you take a look at the word 'heartbreak', then you'll see two words: 'heart' and 'break'. Now, in a literal sense, a broken heart is not something to be taken lightly. I mean, if medical attention isn't sought immediately, then you'll most likely die, and soon. So, in a metaphorical case, why is it so casual? And second of all, if it's a 'phase' that you'll 'get over', then how is it true love? From what I've learned 'true love' is your soulmate, the one you end up marrying. I know that there are other loves that you date throughout your life before you meet 'the one', but shouldn't they not hurt too badly? Or does it just get worse with each one that 'breaks your heart'? That's something I don't completely understand, but I'm sure I will eventually (or at least hopefully).

I guess this is just something that is completely unknown until you experience it firsthand. What I find intriguing about love is that it makes you the happiest yet the saddest. I'm both excited and scared to experience it. There's a part of me that wishes I never learned anything about love so I wouldn't be hesitant about accepting and trusting someone that deeply into my life. Yet, another part of me is thankful for the heads up about it.

I don't know, love is basically a black hole to me right now; I don't know what's on the other side of it. It may be worth the risk, or it may be the death of me. But I'll never know what'll happen if I avoid it. It's an adventure that I know nothing about, and no matter how much I prepare for it, I will never be ready for anything I'm hit with.

But, until that day comes, then this is basically unfinished. So, to be continued...