It's Always Been You (A Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan fanfic)

The x Bar

"Hey, Bertl." Reiner nudged Bertholdt on the rib-cage. "There's a piano over there, how about you start playing some music? You could really impress Annie."

Bertholdt's eyes widened and his cheeks burned from the comment alone. He felt a twinge of disappointment in his chest.

If only you knew the one I want to impress is you.

Bertholdt had no idea what Reiner was thinking. Why did he always insist on saying he was into Annie? Was he just messing with him? Did he usually do something that made it seem as though he liked Annie? He considered her a close friend, and he worried about her. She was coolheaded, "emotionless", and independent, but Bertholdt knew there was more to her. He just worried, that's all. How is that supposed to indicate he likes her romantically? He thought hard about this every time Reiner mentioned her, but he couldn't find an answer. He wishes he could clarify he doesn't feel anything romantic towards her, but he knew Reiner wouldn't be satisfied with that answer. "Well, who do you like, then?" Reiner would most likely ask. Bertholdt could easily respond "no one", but he'd be lying, and Reiner would notice instantly. In the end, he was too much of a coward to even think about telling Reiner the truth."It's you. It's always been you."

Reiner noticed his friend space out, he usually did so whenever he mentioned Annie. He really must like her, eh? The mention of her name alone is enough to make Bertholdt get lost in his little world. Annie was great. In fact, she was one of Reiner's closest friends, and he knew she reciprocated the feeling but was too cold and prideful to admit it. But he still didn't get it—why was Bertholdt so crazy about her? They're antithesis at its finest.

Sure, social norms, and even science, dictate "opposites attract", but Bertholdt and Annie take it to another level. Bertholdt is extremely gentle and needy, he requires a lot of attention and affection. Annie would never be able to give him that—she's too autonomous, too independent. Some of his relationships in the past ended because he couldn't get this, but he moved on.

So, why was Annie the exception? Why did he still like her and refuse to move on? The thought fried Reiner's brain. It frustrated him to the core and he wanted to convince himself, no, he needed to convince himself that it was just him worrying about his best friend. But deep down he knew the truth, and it's a truth he didn't want to acknowledge.

It made him jealous. It made him so jealous that overthinking it made him nauseous, and at times, shake. He hated this. He despised the fact that while he stared at him, appreciating every feature, every expression on that beautiful boy; while he was thinking about him at night and fantasising about the two of them, Bertholdt was doing the same but with Annie. It turned his stomach, he couldn't bear it. He just—

"You guys!" Krista's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Over here!" she waved her arm frantically, so they could notice where she was. Once she had their attention, she pointed at the large booth across the bar where Armin, Eren, Sasha, Mikasa and Belanor were seated with her—fresh drinks around the table. "Boilermaker!" Eren said prior to coming here. "It's one of the manliest drinks out there."

Reiner couldn't help but smile at Eren's strange childishness. No, he didn't have a child's innocence, and he sure as hell didn't do things any sane child would, but he still reminded him, in some way, of a little kid. Was it his enthusiasm? His obliviousness? After all, Eren was the type of guy whom had a respectable number of girls who crushed on him, but was too dumb to notice. Sometimes he wondered if Eren was gay or asexual. Not that there's anything wrong with either, he was just curious. Reiner disrupted his thoughts to make his way over to his friends. He noticed Bertholdt was still spaced out, thinking about who knows what. Probably about Annie, rehearsing in his head what he's going to say to her, or how good she looks. Here comes the nausea again.