Do you know how it is to live with a false accusation? A false accusation of being the very murderer? Of being the sole reason for the parting of a family? No, you don't but I do. Have you ever felt like not breathing when there's oxygen all around...
I aroused from my deep slumber and my eyelids flicker opened by the vexatious sound of the alarm revealing my big, deep, blue eyes.The blue of my eyes, as my mother used to say, reminded of the vast, unending oceans where the blue of the sky blended with the blue of the sea. Enough of self-admiration. Against my will, I lazily picked my phone from the side table and turned the nuisance off. It was 7 am and it was Monday. ''Hmm", I say in my sleep not fully in my senses until realization struck me like lightning, "WHAAAAAT!!?? '', my mind screamed. It was the first day of school after the long, tragic holidays. The holidays which still gave me nightmares. These holidays were the longest of all with never ending obstacles and sadness. Everything went upside down and my life just took a big turn...a turn that has and still has infinite turns within it with profound obstacles in between.
Jolting up from the only place which felt like heaven at the moment, I came out of my thoughts and went straight to shower. Morning showers are always so tranquilizing but the kind of feeling, the loneliness, the tiredness I'm feeling can't be gone with just some minutes of felicity. My thoughts all end up being drifted towards the moments which crashed my whole life, my dreams, my everything. I didn't even know when my tears began to flow. I again started to think how perfect my small bubble with my parents and my friends was. With turning the shower off I realized that it was time to face the reality, asifIwasn'talready, my head added. I rolled my eyes at how stupid this was. Great, I'm talking to myself now. Is there anything else left to prove that I'm an insane girl. Within 10 minutes to be exact I was done, opened my closet and pulled the first piece of jeans and shirt I saw. I was always very choosy about all this stuff, took great time in deciding upon all this, looked for the right dress for the right day with the right accessories and with the right shoes and BLAH BLAH, the list goes on. But what is the point in getting all this shitty stuff right when nothing is right in my life and even what is right isn't going to be right anymore and Uhh I don't even know what I'm saying . But you get it, right?... No?.... forget it.
Once I was ready for school, I grabbed my phone, my car keys, my bag, walked out of my small apartment, through the stairs into the parking, got into my car and settled in. Fixing my hair in the rear-view mirror which had messed up while descending the stairs. Now when I was all ready, something that I had been trying too hard not to think about started to circulate in my mind. My thoughts whispering into my ears,
''What if everyone at school knows about me?'' ''How the hell will I face everyone at school?'', "What will they all be thinking about?", ''How will I go through all this with no one by my side?''
......and loads of other stupid, ludicrous stuff all in my brain. I took a deep breath , gathered all my guts and drove to school. I knew I had to do this alone. No one has ever been by my side. Not even my own parents when I needed them the most. My friends all betrayed me. No one believed me. Not even my best friend.
After a short 15 min drive, I was at this new school. ''WOLVERVILLE HIGH SCHOOL''. I sigh looking at the large building standing in front of me..... the most acknowledged school of the town ,''WOLVERVILLE'', my new destination or should I say my, I count in my head, fourth new destination within a past few months I guess. Aaghhh I've always been bad at maths. Okay, Blue concentrate. This had to be my final one and no matter what, I had to stay here and survive because I was so tired of all this running around from my problems, from my so called mistakes in which I didn't even engage. I no longer wanted to be an escapist but wanted to face everything with patience. With this firm resolve for a very new beginning, I jumped out off my car and walked inside.
My medium dark-almost-brown hair, swayed swiftly as I walked, taking short but confident steps to the main office. I could still feel some eyes on me but of course they were only watching the new girl, the thought running inside my head was not in any of those people's. I hope it was not. After the briefing from a middle aged lady, whom I assumed to be the receptionist and getting my schedule, I was finally in the school corridors, a place with which I have always had a bad experience because it's a place where all the gossips and the wiggle-waggles, all the fights, perhaps every notable thing happens. As my eyes traced my surroundings, I enviously looked at these fortunate, young souls around me. Carefree and content. Having a described future ahead of them. Everyone indulged in talks with their fellows. My ears could hear their laughter. Some busy in their lockers others on their phones smiling as they chit chat with someone. I wish they could understand how blessed they all were.
I was making my way through this crowd when suddenly my feet just stopped. I could barely move because I had heard something. The last thing I wanted to hear. I didn't turn around, nor did I move an inch from where I first stood. I could hear a typical girly voice whispering, ''Is she the one? The Bloomverry's escaped murderer?'' Another voice came flying straight to my ears,''Oh My God!! Yea she is'',she screeched,'' Bloody killer, I wonder how can someone be such a shit!". My body just froze with utter disappointment. ''NO, PLEASE NO'', I whispered. My fists went tighter and tighter with my nails digging deep into my cold skin as I swallowed a lump and tried hard to avoid tears from falling down my eyes. But I still wasn't strong and a tear fell down my eye. And then another.
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I quickly started to walk as my eyes spotted the toilet. With in-numerous, slow, desolate tears trailing down my blushed cheeks, I went straight inside and locked the door. I sat down unconsciously and wrapped my arms around my knees, curling myself up against the wall, as my vision blurred because of these tears I still had not become used of. I still had open wounds and such words deepened them more. ''Why? Why....Why.. Why !?'', I said screaming slowly. The scream inside me was much louder and much painful as my heart, too, cried in abject misery. ''Why me? Why here too?''. ''Why do I have to hear this again''. ''I CANT''. ''They all know. They bloody know everything!''. ''MY LIFE IS A DISGRACE. I AM A LOSER''. Crying badly, I cursed my life as badly as I could, not knowing what the following days were to bring. Moments like these I totally lost hope in the motto I had promised to keep in mind always. "Regression To The Mean", I whispered closing my eyes once more, letting the tears fall down, rolling from my cheeks.
