ONCE BOY |2| Remus Lupin

-Chapter One: Ghost Train-

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WIZARD?

The posters were all over London. Remus Lupin tried not to look at them, tried not to be curious about what his friend looked like all these years later. He had always imagined the four of them growing up together, or making a conscious decision to not grow up. Remus told himself that his curiosity was simply the morbid kind, the same way that the teenagers on Diagon Alley grouped around the posters, wide eyed.

Still, the crazed look in Sirius's eyes unsettled him. He could feel the posters watching him from street corners and shop windows. He felt his pace increase unwittingly, long strides stretching out along the cramped London pavements. The giant, curved windows of Kings Cross Station framed the clock tower that worked as Remus's beacon.

The interior of the station had changed a lot since he first arrived, but Remus barely noticed the freshly cleaned white floorings, or metallic net of interlocking parts that some architect had obviously poured hours of their life into. He strode through the barrier between platforms nine and ten, barely checking to make sure he wasn't being watched.

Platform Nine and Three Quarters was empty. Remus sucked in a breath at the sight of it. It seemed so much bigger without the crowds of students rushing the platform, clamouring to get the best compartments, yelling hellos and goodbyes.

There were indentations on the floor made by the wheels of trunks and the skidding feet of teenagers. His footsteps echoed on the platform. Remus tried not to see the other echoes that sprung up around him: four boys with arms and shoulders tangled up as they laughed, the grins of people unshadowed by anything more serious than whether they pass the next test, and a black haired girl with eyes that Remus couldn't quite remember the exact shade of. Maybe they were like the sky on one of those hot days where everything seems infinite. Maybe they were the same as-

No. No. He had been doing so well with the whole not-thinking-about-his-mass-murdering-ex thing.

There wasn't a lot in Remus's life that had changed, only the things and people he'd lost. In a way, the empty platform perfectly reflected this. He imagined himself standing exactly where he was, year after year, watching familiar faces gradually become less and less frequent, until there was only him, stood with his cracked brown suitcase, searching for something that had long since left the station.

Maybe that was why he'd gotten here early. Well, that and the fact that he knew Jade Wood would be dropping off her children here later that day. They had fallen out of contact over the past year, though Remus prided himself on getting to a point where her face wasn't a painful reminder of the girl he had known twelve years ago. He didn't know if he was more or less relieved that it had been Sirius who had broken out. It was more suspicion. If Sirius Black could find a way to escape Azkaban, then Remus had no doubt Helia could do it.

You didn't know her.

Even though they had lived together for two years. Even though they had survived at least thirty-six (not that he was counting) near-death encounters. Even though they had understood each other well enough to have entire conversations without speaking once. He hadn't known her. She had known him, every single part of him.

Remus tried not to think about what it meant that the person he had felt the most connected to in his entire life had been the same one who had lied and tricked and murdered his closest friends. Remus spent the majority of his life trying not to think. It rarely lead anywhere good in his experience.

Still, as he boarded the train, ducking to get through the door- something he'd never had to do before- he couldn't help but turn towards the familiar compartment. Remus could hear phantom laughter drifting down the passageway. Eleven year olds. Twelve year olds. Two boys setting off explosions and yelling and shouting, one boy slightly further back, grinning as he watched the others work, and Remus, trying not to smile. Maybe if he'd interrupted the pranks more often, maybe if James had trusted him instead of Sirius...