My Red Thread

Goodbye Noelle (For Now)

Chapter 9: Goodbye Noelle (For Now)

This week on Idol, we were singing "songs we wished we wrote."

This was a no brainer for me. There's a song I've been wanting to sing for two years now.

The night before the live show, everyone gathered in the living room for family time. We would sing songs (shocking), play games, just spend time with each other. We never know who's going home, we might as well make it our best.

"I have an announcement to make," Caleb St. Mark, a 23 year old contestant, said as he stood in front of the group. "I just want to say; whatever today and tomorrow, I'm proud to know everyone here. We're family--we look out for each other. We won't let anyone get hurt."

The rest of the group cheered and began playing the first game. I noticed Riley walking off to the balcony. She sat in one of the chairs, looking out on the stars.

Without looking at me, Riley said, "Do you know what day it is today?"

"April 15th." I said.

"Today marks two years since Joel and Nathan died at the hospital. Everything happened so fast." Riley let out a shaky breath.

I can still remember that day: my brother Nathan and Riley's cousin Joel died from a drunk driver one night. They were visiting us from out of state for the weekend. We all decided to drive over to the store for some reason. Riley and I went in the store to grab some things, the guys waited in the car.

I started to see a car carelessly weaving between lanes around the parking lot. The guy, clearly drunk out of his mind, runs head on into our car. Glass and car debris flew everywhere.

The drunken guy died on the scene. He was only 16.

The paramedics rushed Joel and Nathan to the hospital. We waited countless hours before the doctor and the young intern (TJ) came out with the news.

Internal bleeding from trauma to the brain.

"Can we at least say goodbye to them before we leave?" I said. TJ, at the time, showed us the room.

The scene was something out of a Law and Order episode: two young guys in hospital beds with their eyes closed. Their skin was all battered and bruised. They weren't smiling now.

Riley ran to Joel and just balled her eyes out. I looked at Nathan, in complete disbelief that my only brother was gone.

Five minutes later...TJ pulled the plug

Just 20 minutes prior to going out I made a promise to Joel; I would always looked out for Riley. I'd make sure that nobody hurt her and keep her safe.

"Joel was the only person in my family that didn't make fun of my stutter." Riley said, her voice cracking. "He would always stick up for me when my brother teased me."

"Joel isn't gone. He lives in you." I told Riley.

Tears rolled down Riley's face. "Do you think Joel can see me down here?"

"Yes deary. He's smiling at you right now at what you have accomplished, what we accomplished together."

She gave me a hug, her little body still only reaching my chest. We went back inside and rejoined our other family.

****************

The night of the live show, I was mindlessly strumming my guitar, getting lost in thought, muttering the lyrics to my song.

'Cause we made a promise we swore we'd always remember...no retreat, baby, no surrender.

"Alex, whatever happens to me, I want you to look after Riley. Don't let anyone hurt her. I will always be there for you all, even when I'm gone."

Blood brothers in a stormy night, with a vow to defend...no retreat, baby, no surrender.

"Alex, you're on in a minute."

My mind snapped back to reality. I was waiting backstage for my turn to sing. I looked on stage; the stage crew were fixing the set, the makeup crew were fawning over the judges, their assistants scrambled to please their latest need.

I went up on stage, adjusted my mic stand and guitar, and did final mic check. I looked out to the audience, I saw the Idol cast sitting in our assign area. Riley's smiling face looked out to me. This song was for her.

The show came back from commercials. We watched the clips of me from this week. Me in the video explained the significance of the song, my promise to Joel. I choked up just watching it. I glanced over at Riley, she was wiping away a tear from her eye. Noelle and Ethan comforting her on either side.

I began singing No Surrender by Bruce Springsteen, my fingers danced along the strings. I felt the smoke creep up behind me. I saw the judge intensely leaning in. Keith was swaying his head back and forth. Harry began mouthing the words with me.

At the end of song, the audience cheered and applauded loudly. My feedback from the judges were positive: saying I captured the song beautifully, my vocals compliments the song perfectly, and so forth.

I went to take my seat with the others. The others welcomed me as I came in. Riley was going on after me.

In the video package, Riley's song choice was Held by Natalie Grant. She wanted to sing the song about the death of Joel and Nathan.

The playing of a piano began the song:

Two months is too little.

They let him go, they had no sudden healing.

To think that provenance would take a child from his mother while she prays is appalling.

Her sweet, light voice carried her through the chorus. I could hear her voice becoming louder and stronger as she reached the bridge.

If hope is born of suffering.

If this is only the beginning,

Can we not wait, for one hour

Watching for our Savior.

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was when everything fell

We'd be held.

I could see tears stream down Riley's face. The audience erupted and roared with cheering once the song was over. I saw people wiping away tears. Even Jennifer was crying. The judges stood up from their chairs.

The next night came the results show. The person that left our little family was Noelle.