Hidden

Box I - Part VII

I wake up to the sound of the bells. Even after it has stopped it keeps ringing in my ears. How do the others do this? I get up, and instantly feel sick as I face the window. Did that night really happen?
I look at the knife by my feet; sheilded and hidden under my duvet. Sure enough, it is red. Slightly dried and sticky. The others groan, so I hide it away quickly. I don't dare look outside the window, as ridiculous as that may sound. Unless it got away, its body will be there. Someone is bound to find it. But they can't know it's me. They won't.
Why did it say that? Of all things a monster could say, why would it continuously repeat the same words I've been missing for years? It's disturbing. Disgusting. The thought of it makes me want for it to come back just so I can plunge my knife in its chest again. I go to the bathroom quickly, and wash the blood off the knife, which proves to be a much more difficult job than I thought. I then finish up in there and go to class. Of course there is no one there yet. I'm early as usual. And it's Monday, which means that Miss Amik will be early too, so there's no time for me to tell Yahmii of the news. I could tell him at brea - no I can't. I have to miss half my breaks, and do the dishes. Great. Absolutely fantastic.
The class slowly starts to fill in. Hazaa swapped seats with Mitawasidun, which is great for both of us. Miss Amik comes in, and patiently waits for the last of us to come in. When everyone is present, she gives others instructions on what to revise while teaching the M.Ys. It was the longest lesson I've ever been in.
She would constantly ask me questions, most likely because she could see I wasn't paying attention. At first people giggled at this, but now they grew irritated. Miss Amik is a smart woman, and she could see that too. She stopped talking to me altogether, and started picking on other people who knew the answer to whatever we were learning about today.
The end of the class came and people went out to the break area, except me. Miss Amik called me over, and I already knew what she would be complaining about. She sits at her desk, and ushers me closer. "Shujaaca." She begins, "You're an intelligent pupil, you know that, don't you?" She asks. I shrug. "Look," she sighs, "I don't understand what has happened to you these past few days. Years even. You've isolated yourself from everyone. You've made this, this monster being. Your grades have somehow remained intact, but your behaviour hasn't. Writing on Hazaa's forehead -"
"I didn't do that." I say.
"I know your punishment, so I won't waste any more of your time. Shujaaca, all these incidents have happened right after a...life changing event. I understand that, I do. Just, don't let her break you like that."
And with that, she left.

As expected, the dishes pile is large and unforgivingly dirty. I get started right away. There should be one the cleaners here, but it seems like all the cleaning is up to me now. That should keep my mind busy.
After having cleaned only half the dishes, something pats me on the back.
"Did you do it?" Yahmii asks. I look at him, and smile. He takes that as a yes. He shows me his hand, and I slip the knife into it. After cleaning a plate and him just standing there, he takes it out of my hand, and takes a towel to dry it. We both stay silent and grinning.
I did it.

After another long lesson, which this time I did listen and concentrate in, it is finally break again. I can actually go to the break area this time. Yahmii stands there with his arms crossed over his chest looking rather smug. When I come in close proximity with him, he grabs my arm and pulls me outside. Confused, I open my mouth to say something, but close it again when I see all the U.Ys smiling at me. There's a box there that they use for some of their exercises. Yahmii quite literally picks my up by my sides and puts me on top of it.
"What's happening?" I ask. Mazah and Mudaibah both start shouting.
"Everyone listen up!" Mazah yells.
"We have a big announcement you guys!" She yells louder. More yelling follows until they are satisfied everyone is listening. Yahmii comes foreword.
"For two years we've been listening to this guy," he points at me, "and his little monster stories which I admit I didn't believe for one second." The area is quiet. He continues: "Whether I believe him now is not important. What is important, is what Shujaaca has done. There will be no asking stupid questions like how, when, where. Only what. And Shujaaca will gladly answer this question for us." He says. All eyes turn to me. I freeze.
"I...em..well, it's sort of sudden..I mean..." I take a deep breath. I close my eyes, and say:
"I killed the monster."
For a long while, nothing follows this statement but silence. People are keen to ask questions, but Yahmii's threat circulates on everyone's minds, and so they stay quiet. All but one person.
Haloo begins to clap. She claps hard and loudly.
"Well done Shujaaca!" She squeaks. Then another clap follows. Muadalun. Then Sahal. Then someone else, and someone else again, until everyone is clapping and cheering and congratulating me.
I stand there, mouth wide open in disbelief.
So this is what it felt like all those years ago.
It's too good to be true.
And of course, all good things come to an end. The monster's face sticks to my mind. And so does what it says. I feel off.
I jump off the box, and run to the toilet, both my hands covering my mouth.

It's sick.
It's all sick.