When it Happens

Chapter 27

I tossed and turned that whole night in my bed, uncontrollable sobs overtaking me. Two hours I stayed like that, just crying. It must've been around 2 am when I heard my bedroom door creak open. My mother's face peered out from behind it. 

How embarrassing! My mom catching me cry over my high school sweetheart being ripped away from me. She knew all about Nate getting drafted and how he was leaving tomorrow. However, what she didn't know was how serious our relationship was. 

She gives me a forced smile, and walks over to my bed and takes a seat next to me. "Bobby told me he heard you crying."

Dammit Bobby.

I nodded, sitting up against my bed frame. I scooted over, and she joined my position, leaning back on my bed frame, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "You know, when your father died, I cried every waking moment I wasn't around you and Bobby."

What? I always thought she was so strong, always comforting Bobby and me about his death. I thought she had accepted the loss before it had even happened.

"No way. You seemed so fine with it?"

She chuckled. "No way. When you and Bobby were at school, I cried non-stop. I even went to a therapist. I wanted to show you kids I was fine, that I was strong, but I was so angry with him. How could he be so selfish to leave me with two young children to raise alone? Was the drinking really worth it to him?"

I was shocked as my mom told me these things. This was all news to me. Matter of fact, this was really the first time she opened up to me about Dad's death. 

"Until I realized that he was spiraling out of control. That no matter what I tried to do to help, nothing would have changed. He loved me and you kids, but he was addicted. There was nothing I could do about it." She rubbed my back in circles. "And I know you're not crying because Nate's dying. You're crying because you're going to miss your boyfriend. And I'm here to tell you that it's okay to cry. He's going to be in Iowa, for Chrissakes. You have every right to be upset." I nodded and she looks at me with a skeptical look. "You are taking it a little hard, though. How far did you two go?"

I definitely wasn't one to talk about my sex life to my mother of all people, but if we were opening up about our significant others, might as well.

"We did it, mom."

Her expression was shocked, but then she smiled. "No wonder. You'll always have that emotional attachment to your first, honey. Oh God, I hope he was your first. And as someone wise once said, 'If you love someone-'"

"Let them go. If they return, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with," I finished for her, and we shared a laugh together. She always told me that when I was younger whenever I lost something, like when I left my Saved by the Bell lunchbox at school in the 7th grade. Might I add, I found it in the Lost and Found a couple days later.

"As a good parent, I must ask this... Did he use protection?"

I groaned. "Yes, mom. I don't want to talk about that anymore, please!" I pleaded with her and she laughs while wrapping her arms around me.

"I love you, sweetie. You're going to be okay, I promise you." She paused for a moment, rustling with her wrist. She takes off a sterling silver charm bracelet, placing it on my own wrist, right next to the bracelet Nate gave me for Christmas. "It's my lucky charm bracelet. I'm far too old to believe in this thing anymore. It's yours now."

I used to love that bracelet. She would always let me wear it to church on Sunday's, just so I could feel a little older than I actually was.

"I can't take this from you, mom. It's so expensive."