Dear Diary.. - A One Direction FanFic.

Chapter 3.

I woke up the next morning feeling drained of life. I wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Not only did my heart feel like it was being ripped out of my chest, but my head was banging and my stomach was aching. This is just what I need, I mean seriously. Now do I choose to get ill? I rolled out of my bed checking the time which read 10:04. I groaned clutching my head as the sound I’d made obviously disturbed my head making it thrust with pain.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I wasn’t surprised. I looked as bad as I felt however, I wasn’t going to waste this time that I have with Zayn, stuck in bed. So I splashed some cold water over my face and shoved my hair up making no improvement whatsoever on my appearance. Luckily for me, Zayn always saw me at my best and worst and this was obviously the worst but he lived alone so I only had to scare him with my not so attractive face.. For now.

“morning” I mumbled, clutching my head as the searing pain shot through it again.

“whoa, you okay?” he asked, his voice full of concern.

“do I look okay?” I snapped, instantly regretting it. “sorry, I feel like I‘m dying right now”

“you always did over-react”

“I don’t over-react” I pouted.

“yeah okay” sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“whatever, I need tea!”

“coming right up”

I muttered a quick “thanks” before going into the living room and switching on the tv. One tree hill was on, perfect.

“you and your one tree hill” Zayn rolled his eyes.

“sorry mom” I laughed then winced at the pain through my head and stomach.

“do you want some pain killers?” I nodded. He left the room and came back in seconds with strong tablets.

“thanks”

“it looks like were having a movie day today then” Zayn smiled.

“no I don’t want you to stay in because of me”

“but I want to” he moaned.

“fine, your such a child at times”

“that’s why you love me”

My heart raced, if he only knew how much I did actually love him he’d be so surprised, I mean, he’s everything I ever think of.

“Leila!” Zayn said getting my attention.

“yeah?”

“you zoned out again! You’ve been doing that a lot, are you okay?”

“yeah I’m fine just.. Thinking”

“of?”

“stuff”

“come on, give me more than that! You used to tell me everything but you hardly tell me anything any more. Don’t you trust me?”

“of course I do! But there’s things your better off not knowing!” I screamed running towards the direction of my room and slamming the door.

I fell to the floor in tears. When I first started having these feelings I wasn’t that scared, it was a harmless crush. You know, people always get them and soon enough they go. But I’ve never in the past 18 years of my life felt this way and I don’t know, its scary. It really scares me. It scares me to think I have such strong feelings for someone that only see’s me as a friend. It hurts.

Dear Diary,

Hey, again. So I just had an argument with Zayn. Hurts a lot you know its really becoming too much to handle and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know why but I just guess I need him. I know he’ll never feel the same because all I am to him is a best friend maybe even a sister. But I don’t want to be a best friend anymore. I want to be able to call myself Zayn Malik’s girlfriend, then again. So does every girl this day and age. I’m sighing right now you know. I can’t believe I’m actually writing all my feelings down in a diary, I mean, I’m 18 years old. I should be out partying not writing in a diary. I don’t know whether I should tell someone. My mother always says that speaking about your problems is better than keeping them locked up. But I just can’t! He’s my best friend and he has a girlfriend!!!! My best friend who I’m insanely in love with has a girlfriend and I’m sick. Oh yeah, I didn’t mention that did I?! I’m sick. Yep, you heard right. Why is this always happening to me?