We Started Out As Friends

Chapter 1

"You're going to be all right. You have to be."

Rachel blinked her eyes and squinted under the hospital lights in the sterile white room. She couldn't stop shaking. Still groggy, she closed her eyes again. No, I will never be the same again, she thought. The warm words of the petite brown haired nurse touched her and hurled her even deeper into the well of shame that engulfed her. How could anyone care for me and treat me with such compassion after what I've just done? Rachel wondered.

It didn't help that the doctor had also been sympathetic. Tall, young and entirely too good looking for this job, he had smiled warmly while trying to distract Rachel with some frivolous conversation about allergies. Rachel had tried to reciprocate, but could not have been more humiliated if a billboard with her on it had been posted in front of the hospital.

She could see the hospital staff moving around, but was not sure what they were doing. She couldn't focus on anything. Fresh tears ran down her face, into the tracks of the not so old ones. The tears followed each other in a steady stream, promising to drown all her sorrow, but they could not. Tears flowed as though they could wash away the act; wash away the shame and indiscretions, making Rachel new again. They could not.

Rachel had gone under anesthetic in tears and had come out in tears. She wondered if she had cried throughout the procedure. Was that even possible? She could remember the hospital staff being so cheerful and kind. Did they treat everyone like this?

They had made every effort to cheer Rachel up. The nurse closest to her head had been humming. "You're going to be fine ...sweetheart. Really..." she had said, all too knowingly.

Had she done it too? Who were these people? Didn't the nurse know I was about to be struck with a sudden and complicated death as punishment for this grievous sin, this hideous act that I had done, not once but twice? Rachel thought. She could only think about the possibility of her dying during the relatively safe and simple procedure. Safe for me, certainly not for my baby. She knew she would have deserved it. She was so grateful when her eyes opened.

The anesthesiologist had told her to count to 10, and then she would be out. She had willed herself to stay awake as she searched herself for the answers. Did she really want to do this? Was she doing the right thing? Did she want to abort another child? As she reached three the answer came to her, NOOOOO! She wanted to scream. Let me go home! It was too late. Now, she was awake.

Where was her baby? What did they do with it? My. God. How could I end up in this position again? She had promised herself she would never do it again. Now, this was a pattern.

She was 24 years old with two children and two abortions under her belt. Not to mention countless trips to the clinic for emergency contraception. Wasn't that the same thing? But this time wasn't her fault. She couldn't think about it now. She had to get home, before her mother returned from church.

Rachel pressed her eyes together attempting to squeeze out all the tears, the pain and sadness. When the nurse returned she brought with her more love, more soothing. Didn't she know she was an accomplice? How many more would she assist today? This was a job? These people are sick.

"I need to get out of here." Rachel hadn't realized she had spoken out loud.

"No honey, you have to rest. I'll bring you some food when you get to the recovery room."

Rachel glared at the accomplice. "How long have you worked here?" she charged.

"A few years."

"And you like it?" Rachel demanded, with her eyes wide.