We Started Out As Friends

Chapter 4

Fatima returned to find that her children had eaten lunch and were ready for their nap. Rahma read them a few stories and put them to bed. After Rahma left, Fatima tried to study, but she was exhausted and fell asleep too.
When she woke up it was after 5pm and the house was quiet. The girls never slept this long. Fatima went to check on them and saw that they were not in their rooms.
Realizing Ali must be home she went to look downstairs and found him in the kitchen. “As-salaam alaikum, where are the girls?” Fatima rubbed her face to help herself wake up.
“Wa alaikum as-salaam, Papa came over. He wanted to visit with them. I told him you were sleeping, so it would be better to keep them at his house.”
Papa never needed a reason to take the girls. He lived for them. He often came by to play with them or help take care of them in some way. He had built a huge playground for them in his backyard and they spent many days out there. He also taught them regularly. All the girls had started reading Quran and the oldest had already memorized much of the 30th part of the Holy Book.
“Did they eat?” Fatima had prepared dinner before going to Naomi’s house.
Ali leaned against the black marble of the kitchen island. “Are you joking? You think I would feed them if they’re going over there? What would happen if they refused Mama’s food?  She would probably think they’re sick.”
Fatima laughed. “You’re right. They’ll have more than enough to eat over there. Did they use the washroom?”
“Yes, yes, Fatima they’re fine. Relax. Here sit.” She looked behind Ali and could see that the letters were missing from the letter holder.
Fatima was eager to find out what was going on, but she was hoping that Ali would tell her voluntarily. She slid into the bench of the booth where they usually took their meals. “So what time did you get home?” 
“About 45 minutes ago.” Still leaning against the island, he watched her closely. Fatima knew that look. He had something to tell her and was trying to find the right way to do it.
“How was your day?” Fatima’s eyes scanned the kitchen in search of the mysterious letter.
“Good, nothing special. Coach worked us hard though.”
“You look tired. Are you hungry?” Fatima started to get up to prepare his food.
“Actually, I am, but I can wait. Come, I need to talk to you.”


Fatima’s curiosity was at its peak. She followed Ali to the family room at the back of the house and sat beside him as he indicated.
“I need to go out of town.” Fatima remained silent waiting for the rest. “I’ll be back by tomorrow afternoon.”
“What’s going on?” she finally asked.
“I need to go to Ottawa.” Ali’s face was blank. Fatima couldn’t read anything from it and she was trying hard.
“Why?”
“I just need to take care of something. Nothing to worry about. I’ll be home tomorrow.” Ali's gaze shifted from one of Fatima’s eyes to the other, gauging her response.
“When are you leaving?” Why is he being so cagey?
“Tonight. I have a flight for 9:45 pm. I’ll leave right after the soccer game.”
“That’s cutting it kind of close, isn’t it?” Fatima couldn’t under-stand why he was not more forthcoming. This wasn’t like him at all.
“It is, but I think it’ll be ok. I have a meeting in the morning. I’ll try to do it as early as possible then head back home. I’ll be home before dinner.” Ali rubbed his chin. “Maybe you should all stay with my parents tonight, or I can ask them to come over here.
“No, I’ll be fine.” Fatima shook her head. Papa treated her like a top priority, especially when Ali was away. He personally made sure she had whatever she needed or wanted. She didn’t want to pressure him anymore.
“At least Rahma should come, in case you need anything.” Ali was never comfortable leaving Fatima alone, especially while she was so advanced in her pregnancy.
“If she wants to. Whatever. So, are you going to tell me what this is all about? Or am I to die in suspense?” Fatima tried to make her voice sound light, although she didn’t think she could be convincing. Ali looked quickly around the room and let out a heavy sigh. It was clear he was not going to talk about it. “I can’t right now, but I will as soon as it’s all sorted out.”
Fatima sat stunned. She hadn’t really expected him not to tell her. She couldn’t believe it. Ali was sitting in front of her telling her that he was about to fly to Ottawa, stay overnight, be back home tomorrow by dinnertime and he was refusing to tell her why.
“This doesn’t make any sense. You’re making me nervous. Ali, is everything ok with you?”
“Yes, yes, I don’t want you to worry about anything.” Ali nodded his head.
“Don’t shut me out.” 
“I’ll handle it, and I’ll be back before you miss me.” He looked up and tried to smile.
The phone rang breaking the heavy silence that had fallen between them. Fatima walked across the room and down two steps, to the lower level of the family room, to pick up the phone on her desk.
“Hi Rachel, what’s up? What happened?” Fatima remembered that Rachel was going to call her doctor.
“I’m at the hospital. I guess the procedure wasn’t done completely so I had to have an emergency D&C.
“What! Oh no.” What else could go wrong today? Fatima wondered.
“I’m ok, but I’m exhausted and this nurse really ticked me off, and now I’m being discharged and I’m really sorry Fatima, but could you pick me up? I’m really sorry.”
“Of course I’ll come. I’ll be there right away.”
“Oh, and Joshua and Jonah are at the daycare. They need to be picked up before 6 pm.”
“Ali is getting them today. Remember, Josh starts soccer tonight?” Fatima glanced up the stairs to see Ali watching her. She turned her back and continued listening to Rachel.
“I forgot. I don’t think I can make it tonight.” Rachel sounded on edge.
“Don’t worry. Ali can manage. Papa has the girls, so he’ll just have your guys. It’ll be fine. I’m leaving now. Bye”


“What’s going on?”Ali stood up and approached Fatima.
“It’s nothing.” Fatima deliberately sounded more nonchalant than the situation called for.
“It sounds like something’s wrong.” Ali reached the top of the steps.
“Don’t worry. I can handle it.” Fatima stepped past him and left the room. When she arrived at the storage bench beside the front doors she grabbed her hijab and her purse from one of the three rattan baskets underneath and slipped into her shoes. Ali stood at the end of the hall watching her. She turned and left without saying good bye. When she was finally outside she put her sunglasses on and groaned in frustration. She felt like screaming.
This was the first time Ali had ever kept anything from her. He certainly never stayed away from home unless he was playing ball. Even then he always preferred that she go with him. Fatima racked her brain trying to figure out what could make him so anxious. She couldn’t help wondering if it had something to do with the letter. But why the secrecy? She had a very uneasy feeling about the whole thing.


Rachel waited for Fatima to arrive and when she saw her car she tried to rush to it. Fatima came out of the car to help her.
“Take it easy, girl. Here…let me help you. Where is your car?” Fatima looped her arm with Rachel’s and helped her to the door.
“It’s still in the shop. I should get it back tomorrow.”
Two people entering the hospital stepped aside to let Rachel pass, and looked back at her as she walked by. Fatima smiled at her friend. “Even on your worst day you still turn heads.”
“Ha, they’re probably wondering why I’m being let out.” Rachel eased herself into the car. Fatima stood beside the door after closing it for her.
“At least someone is humble around here.”
Rachel knit her brows and shifted her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Ali doesn’t even pretend not to notice the attention he gets.”
Rachel leaned back and closed her eyes. “He would have to be mentally impaired not to notice, but you know he doesn’t care.”
“I guess.” Fatima walked to her side of the car. After entering and getting buckled she turned her attention back to Rachel. “I can’t believe this. Is this the height of incompetence, or what? How could they not have completed the procedure properly? Who was the doctor?”
“Dr. Simms, but I think it happens sometimes. I don’t know. I really don’t have the energy for this. Anyway, there was this nurse.”
“Oh yes, you mentioned the nurse. What happened?”


Rachel relayed the story. She had been sitting waiting for her examination and the nurse that had attended her was young, about Rachel’s age. Rachel thought she would like her, until she opened her mouth. After looking at Rachel’s chart she turned to Rachel and asked, “Did you go to the University of Toronto?”
“Yes,” Rachel had replied, while she searched the nurse’s face for some familiarity.
“And you have two boys, right?”
“Right.”
“Are you Jamie’s girlfriend?” the nurse had asked.


Rachel turned to Fatima. “Now, do you think I really wanted to hear his name?”
“What did you say to her?”
“Oh please, I still haven’t answered her.”
“How does she know you? Who is she?” Fatima questioned.
“I don’t know. Did you hear me say I know her? She said she’s a friend of Jamie’s and she heard he had kids. My name sounded familiar and I fit the description. Whatever that means. She ticked me off, that’s all I know.”


Rachel fumed at the thought that someone who knew her knew her business, especially a friend of Jamie’s. Maybe she was upset at not knowing what the relationship was between Jamie and this woman. The whole situation was so humiliating, and again Rachel was angry with herself. What had she done wrong to deserve this? Why did Fatima end up with the perfect life? What was the difference between them? Even though she kept trying to put her life right it seemed like obstacles kept being thrown in the way.
“Why do you care? Who cares?” Fatima interrupted her thoughts. “Just worry about yourself and your kids and stop thinking about what everyone else is thinking because they’re living their lives and it has nothing to do with you.”
“The whole situation is just so embarrassing.” Suddenly another reality gripped Rachel. “What if she tells Jamie?”
“What? She can’t do that. What about confidentiality?”
“Oh, wake up Fatima, not everyone follows the rules. I mean, obviously she knows why I was there. Jamie will kill me.”
“I am so sick of hearing about Jamie. Stop making decisions in your life based on him! Where is he now?  Where is he when your kids are sick or lonely or hungry or dirty or whatever? Tonight Joshua is starting soccer for the first time. He is so excited, and where is his father? Nowhere, that’s where. Just forget that loser and move on, Rachel. For God’s sake, what is it going to take for you to get it?”


Fatima didn’t understand. Jamie wasn’t the same guy they had known in high school. He wasn’t just a small time hoodlum anymore. He had graduated. He had connections. He really knew some serious people and he could do a lot of damage, to all of them.
“Move on to what? I don’t see any knight in shining armour riding around here. If there was, you grabbed him quick enough. Anyway, I have two kids; that definitely reduces my value on the market.” Rachel felt emotion building and that made her angrier than ever.
“What are you talking about? You can have anything you want. You know that. You’ve made good things happen in your life. Remember the scholarship?”


Rachel had received several scholarship offers, but the one she was really interested in was the swimming scholarship to a top University in the States. She had been so excited to go, but had changed her mind at the last minute, because Jamie had convinced her that their relationship would not survive the distance.
“I didn’t want to leave Jamie.” Rachel shook her head. “That was stupid, wasn’t it?”
“Jamie didn’t want you to leave him. You were ready to go. He was threatened by you moving forward when he wasn’t. What did we tell you then? If you two were meant to be together then you would be and if not you would meet someone better. You didn’t go and now look, where is he?”


Rachel remembered everything. Fatima and Ali had worked hard to convince her to go. She had almost thought that they were trying to get rid of her. They had told her all the right things, she just hadn’t believed them.
“Rachel, you have to start believing in yourself again. And you have to listen. Allah sends you messages through the people around you. You miss them if you don’t listen. You have so many people giving you good advice, people who really care about you. Get back on your life and start moving forward, one step at a time.”
Fatima was right. Rachel knew it, but there had been so much going on at the time. Ali had recently signed with the Razors and he and Fatima were planning to get married.
Papa had insisted that they wait one year to get married. He wanted to see how Ali handled himself on the road. He always said, “Every daughter is my daughter and every son is my son.”  He would not give his blessing for Ali to marry Fatima until Ali proved that he was responsible. Ali had agreed. He didn’t want to get married without the approval of both his parents.
Rachel had felt like she was losing everything. She had also been afraid to go far away from home and Jamie just felt safe and familiar. He didn’t become controlling until she was pregnant with Joshua. Or so she thought. Talking her out of the opportunity of a lifetime was certainly a controlling move. Two girls she had competed with had gone on to swim on the Canadian Olympic Team. Rachel knew she could have been there too.


“You don’t understand. You’re married. It’s different for you.” Rachel turned to look out the window.
“You could have been married too. Ali knows so many people, good guys, who would be great for you.”
“Who said I want to marry a Muslim?”
“It doesn’t have to be a Muslim…and what’s wrong with being a married to a Muslim?
“I just don’t know if I can be that good little wifey, that’s all,” Rachel replied in an animated way.
“It’s all up to you, honey. Just be the good little baby-mother then.” Fatima shot back.
Rachel turned to look at Fatima in shock. She usually was straight forward, but this was harsh, even for her. Maybe Rachel was wearing her out. She was certainly exhausted too. They pulled up in front of Fatima’s house.
“Hey, did you forget about me?” Rachel joked.
“No, I want you to come over. You need to rest and Naomi might get suspicious.”
They entered the house and Rachel gingerly stepped on the tiled floor of the foyer. She immediately headed straight for the kitchen and slid into the booth. Fatima walked to the family room to turn on the adhan. “I have to pray, and then we can have dinner,” she said over her shoulder.
“Aren’t you going to wait for Ali?” Rachel asked.
“No,” Fatima said, flatly, and continued walking.
“Ok, I won’t ask.” 


Rachel stretched her legs and made herself comfortable. She loved Fatima’s kitchen. It was large enough to have several people working comfortably in there at once. Ali and Papa had built a wonderful booth, just like the ones in restaurants. It was perfect for the kids, they could just slide in and out, and it was great for the adults too. The seats and back were cushioned and exactly what Rachel needed right now. She stretched her legs out and put her feet up on the opposite seat.
From her seat she could see outside through the front window. She was looking directly at her house and wondering what her mother was doing right now. She knew her mother was worried about her. Fatima was right to have her come over. Naomi had a way of sensing things.
Rachel laughed and shook her head. She had told her mother that she could probably go into business. With a sign outside, ‘Naomi Knows’, she could make real money telling people all about themselves. That’s why Rachel had to keep her distance for a little while.
The adhan finished and Fatima started to pray. Rachel always felt relaxed at the sound of the adhan. She had been hearing it for over 15 years and it had the same effect on her every time. She also enjoyed watching Fatima and her family pray. The movements had such beauty and grace. They all seemed so united when they prayed together.
Thinking about Fatima, she wondered how she kept her balance in her condition. She was just weeks away from having her baby, yet her prayer was still as smooth as ever. Fatima finished and returned to the kitchen.


“How do you manage all that up and down with that huge belly in front of you?” Rachel asked to lighten up the mood. She was expecting Fatima to hit her with a ton of questions and was willing to use any delay tactic necessary.
“I do yoga every day. I’m flexible, fit and strong.” Fatima flashed a smile.
“Ooh, I’m scared! I wouldn’t want to come around here late at night,” Rachel joked.
Fatima heated the food she had prepared earlier, placed it on the table then brought up the subject of Jamie. “Ready to talk?”
Rachel knew Fatima was not going to let her off the hook again. “What do you want to know?” Rachel picked up her fork and jabbed a piece of stewed chicken.
“Well, what happened? Why did you decide not to have the baby? Why didn’t you tell us? It just doesn’t sound like you,” Fatima asked.
Rachel sighed. She had hoped to put this all behind her. She certainly didn’t want to discuss this with Fatima. But she felt she owed her some explanation after Fatima had done so much to help her. Should she tell her about the night that Jamie had come a few weeks ago? She looked out the window. Night was falling and she wondered about her boys. They would be on their way home soon. She was so sorry she had missed Joshua’s big day.
“I was going to have it, I guess. I just really wasn’t thinking about it.”
Fatima listened carefully while Rachel completed her story. “Then Jamie came by unexpectedly and I tried to tell him and he started going off. He acted like he didn’t believe it was his child. I don’t really get it. I guess it’s because he doesn’t come around that often. Then he said he heard Ali was spending a lot of time with the boys and he said maybe they weren’t his either. It was all so weird.”
“That’s it? You had an abortion because Jamie was being himself? Who cares? You see him two or three times a year.”
“You don’t understand. How was I going to have another child for such a loser? Josh and Jonah already suffer so much because of him. I couldn’t do that to another baby. I just couldn’t”
“No.” Fatima shook her head. “This doesn’t make sense. It’s not adding up. There has to be more to it.” Fatima was not accepting this line of argument at all.
“I know it’s my own fault, but you don’t know what it’s like carrying and having a baby for someone who is such a big stress in your life. You have no idea what that feels like.” Rachel dropped her head in defeat.
Fatima thought about how impossible it would be for her to get through her pregnancies without Ali's love and support. She also knew how vulnerable she felt when she was pregnant, even though she was secure in her marriage. “I do understand. I just feel so sad about it. No matter what, Joshua and Jonah are such beautiful boys and a blessing to all of us. I just think that with all the support you have you could have made it work.”
“For some things there is no substitution,” Rachel said as she played with her fork.
Fatima knew that was definitely true.
“I just wanted to cut ties with him completely. I figured this was as good a time as any. I actually thought I might move,” Rachel added.
Rachel did not want to tell Fatima how scared she was of Jamie. It was better if she just moved away and got as far away from him as possible. Everyone would be better off, she thought.
“Move where? Why? What about the boys?” Fatima’s confusion and concern showed in her eyes.
“I haven’t figured all that out yet. I just think it might be best. I need to put distance between me and Jamie. Maybe if he doesn’t know where to find me for a while that will change things. I’ll take the boys with me, or not. I don’t really know yet.”
“Running is not going to solve your problems. It’s not the location that’s all wrong. It’s just you, Rachel. You have to fix you. You might think it will be easier if you go, but it will be much better to do it right here, with all of us here to support you. You can’t just get up and go to I-don’t-know-where; and leave the boys? No. You definitely can’t take them away from everyone and start all over. Who will help you take care of them?”
“I’m a big girl now. I can do it.” Rachel knew she didn’t have a plan, just a desperate need to start her life over, get away from Jamie and make sure that her friends and family did not get caught in the middle. She had a decent job working with Bell Canada, but she could find another job. Maybe she could get transferred to another office.
“Fatima, Jamie is not small time any more. He knows some serious people. And they’re not all street people either. They’re professionals, business people, and politicians. He can make a lot of trouble.”
“Rachel, he’s nothing. He can’t do anything. Stop giving him all this power. Where are you, Rachel? This is not you. Has he threatened you? We can call the police. You know you should have done that a long time ago. You can get a restraining order. I can’t believe the nerve of him. Threatening the mother of his kids? Not that he cares about them anyway.
“I don’t even know why he shows his face around here. He’s just trying to mess with your head. He’s slowly taking more and more control because you’re letting him. Only you can stop this Rachel. Maybe I should go and talk to him. Why, I’ll just go to the police myself. Or maybe I’ll call Shawn, he’s a lawyer. He’ll know what to do.” Fatima went on and on. She was like a faucet that had been left running. She didn’t even notice Rachel’s growing agitation.
“Stop!” Rachel put her hands to her face, and then let out all the breath in her lungs as she fully relaxed. “It’s not me he wants to hurt.” She paused, not knowing how to tell her best friend the truth. “It’s Ali.”