Divergent: After Tris

After Tris: Chapter 2

Tobias had been trying to stop. He really really had, but lately everything had gotten too much. Seeing Caleb reminded him of her as well as seeing David wheel himself around, a murderer who had no idea what he had done. A murderer who had no idea that he had killed the girl he had loved. A murderer who was walking-more like wheeling-free. And the worst part was that Tobias couldnt even say anything to him, because David had changed so much after losing his memory. He had become nicer and less harsh and he had no clue about how to do his job, no clue about anything really. Tobias couldnt look him in the eyes and he doubted he would ever warm up to the new him.

Caleb on the other hand, made Tobias angry. He should have been the one to die. Not her. He should have been the one to be shot by David, while setting off the memory serum. She wouldve been heartbroken if he had died, but Tobias wouldve healed her like he always did. Like they always had healed each other. And now she was gone, and Tobias felt like he had lost his other half. Maybe he had. Maybe he would never find anyone ever again and he would die alone. Not that he even wanted anyone else. No one but her. Christina had become his best friend. She, to some extent knew what he was going through. She had gone through the same thing with Will. She had also lost both her closest friends almost at the same time.

He helped Christina and Christina helped him. But it wasnt enough. People comforted him, but all he wanted was to be comforted by her. Hell, he couldnt even say her name without feeling unimaginable pain in his chest and breaking down into sobs, unless he was right in front of her in his fear landscape of course.

The fear hadnt changed at all. He still went through the whole thing, holding her before the screaming started then gritting his teeth while she screamed at him, she sometimes even threw insults in between and he just stood still, until the gunshots cut through her flesh, as if she was made of paper and the bullets were razor sharp scissors. He watched her wear the blood, like a dress and that was when he started screaming. And he didnt stop. He didnt stop, until his throat was raw, and the air echoed with his tortured screams, long after they had ended, after they had let out all the pain and anger he had been holding back.

Tobias injected the fear serum into his neck and went through his fears, they still scared him on some level but the one that terrified him the most was the one where she came. He yearned for the time he would get to see her again, but it also terrified him knowing it wasnt really her, that it would never really be her, but what other choice did he have? He put himself through this torture, day after day, until he really couldnt live without it. He would go through the whole day with no interest in anything, just waiting till he could finally see her again.

He was walking down the corridor, going for a "walk" with a vial of fear serum hidden in his jacket pocket when he heard heavy footfalls behind him. He could tell by the footsteps it was a man, probably Matthew, who had been trying to talk to him more now, and Tobias despised him for it. Tobias Eaton didnt need anyones pity. He didnt need anyone to feel sorry for him. He didnt need anyone to sympathize for him, he was fine on his own.

"Tobias!"

Tobias slowly turned around, trying to compose his face into an expression of calmness, like he hadnt just been stealing from the people who had provided him with food and shelter everyday.

"Hm?"

"There's a curfew, youd better get into your room soon, theyll probably make an announcement soon"

"Why?"

"Didnt you hear? Someones been stealing vials of fear serum from the lab for the past 6 months, and everyones anticipating an attack, so weve issued a curfew"

Oh.

Right.

"Tobias?"

"Yeah Ill get to my room now"

Tobias walked away, not caring if he seemed rude, maybe if he had cared, he wouldve seen the expression on Matthew's face and figured everything out but he had the vials in his pocket, and he really just wanted to get back to his room and reenter his fear landscape.

He hadnt seen her for 2 days, which was an improvement but he was having severe withdrawal symptoms and he needed to see her face just once.

He entered his room, shut the door and slumped down against it. He put his face in his hands and willed himself not to cry. He had to get ahold of himself. He couldnt break down everytime he felt guilty, or he missed her. He knew the simulation wasnt helping, and now he had put the whole stupid place on high alert. This had to stop. He had to stop. He hadnt meant for it to escalate so quickly. He planned on taking just one or two vials, enough for about two months, but somehow it had gotten out of hand. He vowed to himself this would be the last time. The last time he ever saw her. The last time he ever heard her voice. This was it. And he wasnt completely ready, but he didnt have to be. He had to stop this.

He injected himself with the serum and lay down on his bed, waiting for the simulation to embrace him in its torturous arms.