Dear Tanner

Chapter 8

Dear Tanner,
It's been months since I've posted this. I still can't see a semi colon without seeing your wrist attached to it. I can't listen to cars race down my street because I begin to think it's you. I completely stopped listening to "Our Song" by Taylor Swift because it would always make me start crying. Any time I see the alcohol you always drink I can't see it without your hands around it as you gulp down every last drop.
And the main reason I decided I'd pick this book up and write in it once more was because of what happened during the weekend. I was at a going away party with my cousin Larry. We were trying to find a way to get some more people over since they were already drunk. And I knew that I was now one of the girls who needed a trigger warning because the moment my cousin said we could ask you I immediately tensed up and started having a panic attack. I was crying and I curled around myself in hopes of getting further from you. Your name. And every memory I have with you. Because the moment he said your name I freaked. Now what if someone was talking about their abusive relationship or sexual assault stories. I know what will happen. I won't say anything about you because you scare me so much just the thought of your name makes me clam up. Makes me want to hide. I can talk about all my sexual abuse stories just fine. But with you I just freeze as soon as you're name is said in a conversation.