Perfruor | Psychopath | Jimin

21. Mirage

Well, the good news is that I'm not dead. Sorry, for the long wait. Explanation at the end of the chapter.

Not proofread

Being lost is one thing. Being alone is a completely different feeling. Sure, neither of these states of being are emotions I'd like to experience, but sometimes life is like that. It screws us over and leaves us alone with a hole inside of us we did not know would exist.

He looks at peace. I wish he could share that with me. So that I would be at ease too, but then I remember that this is probably one of the first times he has been sleeping like this for a long time.

Innocent. That is, under no circumstances, an adjective used to describe him. Funny how we have this idea that every soul, all of a sudden, gets this, almost, pure aura hanging over their heads as soon as they close their eyes.

As of now that is totally not the case. Even when he's in deep sleep nothing about him resembles a not guilty attitude.

Shame. Immense shame.

How did I lose my head like that?

I get off the bed. Lying here will not make a difference. Therefore, I get off. Leave him behind. Close the door.

What was I thinking last night?

Honestly not just at night, but the whole day. Where was my head? Where were my feelings? How could I be this cold hearted?

**

I wonder if Yoongi knows about Jin's death.

If he knows, I'm sure he cares. I'm sure he does.

Jin and him didn't get along well, but Jin cared for me, and Yoongi has his own way of thinking. He always tries to, if not, like, then at least tolerate, the people who care for me.

Jin's death will devastate him too.

Maybe I should call him and let him know?

No.

Don't bother him. He is working. Stupid me. How did I forget?

Everything is okay. It doesn't hurt as much anymore. Why should it? We were only friends.

Only. Friends.

My head is overheating by the thought of how easy it felt for Yoongi to leave. Me.

I haven't been crying ever since he slammed the door shut. Despite how much I do not want to admit, I wish he would have chosen me instead of his job.

I always think of him.

The thought of with whom he spends his days, makes me crazy.

It is okay though. Everything is okay.

In the morning, I make two coffees. Once again. By accident.

Perhaps a part of me hopes he'll be back.

Whenever I tell myself, I'm okay. I realize why Yoongi left so easily. I'm pathetic and whiny. Even I would leave myself.

Maybe I should stay at work. Wrap my head around something else.

Everything is better than staying alone inside of the four walls.

At work the situation isn't better though. Jin is gone.

Jin is not by my side anymore, and how did I react?

I ran off with my unaccountable patient to meet his mother in hell.