'poems' i write when im sad which is nearly every day //

1 // those damn unicorns

i once believed in myself.

i don't anymore.

it's like a unicorn,

kids love em

adults still love em

the unicorns themselves, hate it.

hate how almost everyone believes unicorns are real.

that they're magic.

that they do what they want to.

that they can do anything.

that they are pretty

beautiful, even.

but the thing that they hate most

is that people believe in them.

it makes them think that they have to do what others think

what others want

all.

the.

time.

it pressures us into thinking that we must be the surgeon husbands

the trophy wives

the sweet little cheerleader girls and the jock boys

you know

they don't work like that

we don't work like that

we work the way we want to

but

we can't.

we get bullied

bullied so much

to the point we harm ourselves

to the point we harm others

to the point we kill ourselves.

trust me

i've been through it.

i'm stuck in this world

i'm bored of this damn life

how people believe in me

that i can do

this

news flash

i can't

i physically can't.

i tried.

i hurt myself

i died

restart.

try

hurt

die

restart

it's all a repeating game that we get stuck in

we don't win

i don't win

nobody wins.

it's all a stupid game that we get forced in

it's not right

it's like dogfighting

except you are challenging your biggest hurdle to jump

life

you face life and nobody comes out alive

except maybe the unicorns

maybe dying early is the trick

maybe

just maybe

after we die, we all meet up

in a special place called

hell.

all the gays, the thieves, the alcoholics

the unicorns.

us

we'll just have a big large sin party where people can have sex with who they want

with who they need

the drunks can drink all they want

the thieves can steal each others hearts

the unicorns?

us

we can all fit in.

we can all be ourselves.

but

this is all in my mind.

same with the voices

same with the issues

same with my feelings

i used to believe in myself

i used to be a happy kid

i used to want to be strange

i believe in unicorns

notice how i said used on all except for one.

that's right.

i believe in unicorns.

i believe in us.

we are the unicorns.

the depressing, anxious, suicidal, let downs of the world

but

we don't care

we have each other.

all except for me.

i used to believe in myself

but i'm not a kid anymore

only kids believe in fake stuff

i threw that all away

i threw everything away

including my life.

//august 22 , 7:35 am//

i do realize that none of this makes sense but u have to understand i dont sleep . at all .