Clean

Talk To Me

Lexa was in her room curled up in a ball, staring at the ceiling like she had been for the past hour. She was tired but not tired enough to sleep. She didn't feel like reading or doing anything on her phone. All she wanted was for everything to just stop. For the world, or herself really, to just stop existing. Lexa heard the door opening but didn't move. Normally when she got into a mood like this she'd internalize it and put on a face for the people around her, but it was Clarke, and she just couldn't be bothered tonight.
"Lexa?" Clarke called softly. "Are you feeling okay?" When Lexa didn't answer Clarke came further into the room and towards her bed. "What's wrong?" Clarke tried again, once she had reached Lexa. Lexa just shook her head, she really did not feel like talking right now. "Hey, you didn't eat anything at supper. Are you hungry? Do you want something now?"
'I'm not hungry right now.' Lexa said in her head, but tried to convey it to Clarke through only a groan, and a determined look.
"I can make you some soup? Or a grilled cheese?" Clarke said, clearly not understanding Lexa's attempt at communication.
'I'm not hungry right now.' Lexa tried again, making the same sound as before. 'Why can't people just read minds?' She thought to herself. Sure it would just be easier to tell Clarke what she wanted, but she just couldn't.
"Okay clearly you don't feel like talking right now." Clarke said. Lexa nearly sighed in relief she was getting it. "Are you mad at me or something?" Clarke asked. Lexa shook her head no. She could never be mad at Clarke.
"Okay good. So you just don't feel like talking right now?" Lexa just nodded.
"Okay. Do you want me to leave you alone? Or do you think you could try texting me instead of talking?" How Lexa had never thought of texting before was astounding! It would be just like Clarke really could read her mind. Lexa pulled out her phone and started typing.
I'm not hungry right now
Clarke looked up from her phone at Lexa. "Do you want me to text, or can I reply verbally?"
You can talk
"Okay, should I be worried about you right now? Are you going to be okay?" Clarke asked concerned for her roommate.
I'm fine.
I just get like this sometimes. Where I just want everything to stop. and I don't feel like doing anything not talking, not sleeping, and sometimes not even eating.
I'll be fine by tomorrow though, probably even later tonight. Sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with the world.
"Does this happen a lot?" Clarke asked aloud.
Lexa shrugged her shoulders and nodded in a so-so motion.
"Why haven't I noticed?" Clarke said mostly to herself.
Usually I put on a face. I internalize it so no one can tell.
Anya and I never really did big feelings, and I never really had friends close enough to care...
"But now you have me." Clarke smiled sadly. "I will always care Lexa. You can always tell me anything."
I know. That's why I l
That's why you're you.
I don't feel like I have to wear a mask around you.
Clarke smiled shyly up at Lexa. "Do you want to have a bath tonight or should we skip it?"
Well I don't want to do anything... but I do need a bath.
"Okay lets go. I'll make you soup after." Clarke promised. Lexa let herself be pulled off her bed and towards the bathroom. She was exhausted from pouring all her feelings out to Clarke, even if she hadn't spoken a word. Clarke had filled the tub, and was helping Lexa in. Lexa sat down with her knees pulled up and was just staring, her mind almost completely blank. She barley registered Clarke washing beside her until she was lowering Lexa down to rinse her hair. Once she was sitting up again Clarke squirted some shampoo into Lexa's hand. Lexa slowly started rubbing the shampoo sloppily into her hair. Lexa's arms fell back to the water in defeat. She had barely even managed to cover half of her head.
"Do you want me to do it?" Clarke asked gently.
Lexa just looked up at Clarke and let out a small noise that meant 'please'. Clarke picked up the shampoo bottle and squeezed some more into her own hands. She lathered it evenly though Lexa's hair, then helped her lean back to rinse it all out. She repeated the same process again with conditioner. After she was finished with Lexa's hair Clarke picked up a bottle of body wash and a loofah. She held them out towards Lexa. "Do you want to do this?"
Lexa just gave her a look that said 'what do you think?'
"I should have known." Clarke said squeezing out some body wash. "Can you stand up?" Clarke asked. Lexa started to stand, and Clarke stood with her holding her arm out to keep Lexa balanced. She continued to wash Lexa until she was clean. "Okay sit and we'll rinse." Clarke said once she was finished with the loofah. "Okay all clean." Clarke said brightly once Lexa was all rinsed off. Clarke helped her stand up again, and led her out of the tub. "Okay let's get you a towel." Clarke said shrugging on a robe. Once she had a towel on and was mostly dried off Clarke led her back to her room. Lexa sat down on her bed as soon as they reached it. "Do you want to get dressed?" Clarke asked. Lexa just nodded in response. Clarke headed over to Lexa's dresser and grabbed a pair of comfortable shorts and a big t-shirt. She brought them back over to Lexa and helped her into them.
"Do you want your hair up?" Clarke asked frowning when she noticed it was dripping all over Lexa's shoulders.
"Braid?" Lexa nearly groaned out from behind her clenched teeth. It was a real effort to speak but she didn't have her phone.
"Okay let me get dressed first. I'll just be a minute." Clarke practically ran back to her room and threw on the first pyjamas that she saw. She returned to Lexa's room, hairbrush and elastic in hand. Lexa hadn't moved from her spot on the bed so Clarke crawled up beside her. She towelled off Lexa's hair a bit more and started brushing. Lexa had found her phone and positioned it so Clarke could see.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
"Hey it's okay. I'm here for you babe. Whatever you need."
Lexa looked to the mirror to meet Clarke's reflection, and let out a small half smile. Clarke just smiled back. Clarke was nearly halfway done Lexa's braid when there was a knock on the door. Clarke and Lexa both met each other's eyes in the mirror startled by the sudden noise.
It's Anya. Lexa typed.
"Do you want me to tell her to go?" Clarke asked seriously. Lexa just shook her head.
"Anybody home?" Anya called from the kitchen.
"In Lexa's room." Clarke called knowing Lexa wasn't ready to speak just yet. As Anya's footsteps approached, Clarke could practically see Lexa's mask forming in the mirror and it nearly broke her heart. Lexa's face was neutral, not quite happy but no where close to sad. It almost looked like a normal everyday expression. If Clarke didn't know better she might have believed it. The only thing that could give Lexa away were her eyes. Anyone else might pass it off as tiredness, but Clarke could see the emptiness in her usually bright eyes. "Hey Commander! Ohh I see we're braiding each other's hair now!" Anya burst into the room. Lexa rolled her eyes at her nickname. "Do you dress each other too?" Anya continued. "What's next feeding each other?" Clarke and Lexa shared a look through the mirror that seemed to say 'no we just bathe each other. Regularly.' Clarke had to hold back a laugh.
"What's that look about?" Anya asked, raising an eyebrow.
"That's just our 'Anya's being annoying' look." Lexa teased. Clarke was relieved to hear Lexa's voice again, but hated that she had to pretend everything was fine.
"Ha ha very funny." Anya said dryly. Clarke was just finishing Lexa's braid as Anya leaned against the door frame.
"Now, not that we don't love having you, but what are you doing here?" Lexa asked sweetly, knowing it would drive Anya nuts.
"Can't I just come visit my favourite little Heada?" Anya crooned back. Lexa pretended to gag at the nickname "I told you not to call me that! And you want something, I know you."
"Okay you caught me." Anya said holding up Lexa's shirt that she had borrowed last week. "I brought back your shirt and I kinda wanted to borrow something else...?"
"Take your pick," Lexa said gesturing to her closet. "And put my shirt back!" Anya was looking through Lexa's closet so Clarke took this as her chance to escape.
She started to get down of the bed and met Lexa's eye. "I'm going to go.." Clarke mouthed and pointed towards the door.
Lexa reached out and grabbed Clarke's wrist. "Stay?" She mouthed back.
"So who's this person you're trying to impress?" Lexa called to Anya as Clarke sat down on the bed.
"What? I'm not trying to impress anyone. Why would I be trying to impress anyone?"
"Well last week you had a date... and now you want to borrow more clothes so I'm assuming there's going to be another one... also you only ramble when you like someone but are pretending not to. Need I go on?"
"Okay. Okay. You caught me." Anya said in defeat turning from the closet to face Lexa. "I met this girl, Raven, a couple weeks ago, and we've kind of been... going out?"
Clarke choked out a strangled cry of surprise.
"What You got a problem with that blondie?"
"Raven? Like as in Raven Reyes?" Clarke demanded.
"Yeah, so?"
"She's a really good friend of mine is all." Clarke said surprised. Raven had mentioned a girl, but never in a million years would she have guessed it was Anya.