Clean

Just Hold Me

"Hey Lex? Are you feeling okay? You've been kind of distant all day."
"I'm fine, just a little tired. It's been a long day." Lexa sighed. She had barley said a world all day, and had stayed mostly in her room until Clarke managed to coax her out with the promise of pizza and a movie. Clarke paused the movie and got up off the couch, she went to the arm chair Lexa was sitting in and kneeled in front of it.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Clarke asked softly, putting her hand on Lexa's knee. Lexa was fighting back tears as she shook her head. "What's wrong? Are you sick?" Clarke asked concerned. Something about it felt different from the last time Lexa was in a 'mood', as she liked to call them. For one she was talking, and eating, so Clarke took that as a good sign. Lexa just shook her head again, but this time she couldn't hold back the tears. "Hey," Clarke said softly, wiping the tears from Lexa's cheek. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really,"
"Hey how about a bath? Would that help?" Lexa just nodded and let Clarke pull her out of the chair. Once they were in the bathroom Clarke started filling up the tub, but Lexa barley registered it. She was lost in a spiral of memories. The rain. A car. A bridge. The hospital. Her favourite doll. The park. And red everywhere. Red lipstick. Red car. The doll with the red dress. Blood. The red flare of pain that had never quite left her. She was brought out of her trance by a gentle pressure on her side. Clarke was standing in front of her saying something to her that Lexa couldn't quite catch.
"Hey," Clarke said softly, and tapped Lexa's stomach again. "Arms up." She said tugging the hem of Lexa's shirt upwards. Lexa raised her arms over her head and let Clarke undress her. She barley registered anything as she stepped into the tub and sat down. The water rippled as Clarke got in beside her. "I'm here." Clarke said gently. "If you want to talk, I'm here. Whatever you need."
Lexa looked up from the bubbles swirling around her legs, and met Clarke's eyes. "Can you just hold me for a minute?" Lexa asked her voice barley a whisper.
"Come here." Clarke said, stretching her arms out ready to comfort her friend. Lexa slid through the water towards Clarke, and Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa just as she started crying. They stayed like that for a while, Lexa's head buried in Clarke's shoulder, and Clarke gently rubbing a wash cloth on Lexa's back. Lexa's tears had finally stopped, and she took a few deep breaths before looking up to meet Clarke's eyes.
"I'm sorry," Lexa said, her voice horse from crying. She sat up and wiped her eyes.
"Hey, you don't have to apologize," Clarke said taking a dry washcloth from the edge of the tub and handing it to Lexa.
"It's just- today was the day that my parents died."
"Oh, Lexa..."
"It's okay- it was a long time ago. I was only six."
"Lexa I-"
"No please, I need to get this out." Clarke just nodded, waiting for Lexa to continue. "Anya was ten when I moved in with her family. Her parents weren't great- weren't around much. By the time she was sixteen we were pretty much on our own. Anya got a job, and so did I, as soon as I was old enough. We managed pretty well on our own. That's why I'm so close to Anya, she's the only family I really have. But today is always really hard for me." Lexa wiped more tears away. "Usually I'm with Anya, but I called her earlier. I'm glad I'm with you."