Complicated to a new level

Chapter 8 - 'okay'

I could feel my anger boiling up slightly, my emotions taking over as I started typing a message to her. Trying to keep calm and rational and not get upset. I had been talking to Clarissa and she had been telling me that Ali shuts people out randomly. That she will disappear on people out of nowhere and come back when it suits her. I shouldn't have been surprised she had done that to Ty only a couple weeks earlier, shutting him completely out of her life because he was apparently becoming too clingy. I do admit he could be at times, he didn't understand the concept of space. She just shut him out though, didn't speak to him about it. Just left and said she needed space. I didn't know at the time though. I didn't know what she was like and what she did.

I messaged her asking: 'Hey. I'm really confused with you right now. I don't know what's happening with us. You're shutting me out and you've been acting different and I don't know why? Like if you need space, I can understand and give you that. But I need you to tell me what you want because not knowing is frustrating me. So, can you please just tell me what the hell is going on and what you want?'

I waited for what felt like hours and hours for her dreaded response. I was both terrified for what she would say. I also needed to know though, it was killing me. I just needed her to tell me what was happening and why she was acting different with me suddenly. It was confusing and awkward.

The hours of waiting seemed to be 15 minutes in reality. At the time it felt like the hours I described. I was on the bus on my way home when she replied: 'nothing is wrong'. That's all? That's all she could say, nothing sweet, nothing descriptive, nothing about herself or anything. I could feel my rational side starting to slowly lose. I can handle patience at times, but when it comes to small replies like this that don't give me any indication in to what they are thinking. That makes me so angry.

I responded quickly saying; 'Really nothing is wrong? Sure seems like there is. Generally, when you like someone you don't act like this. Look if you want space that is fine. Just tell me, don't outright ignore me and act like I'm nothing, just tell me straight up, at least give me an explanation and not ignore me.'

And me being me, following it up with another message about 2 minutes later; 'I'm not a mind reader and you can be a very confusing person to read sometimes I just need you to tell me what you want. Look can we talk tomorrow at school or something. I don't want my mood to be taken the wrong way on here.'

I was trying to talk to her, true. My anger and emotions were slightly getting to me. I liked her, I liked her a lot and so quickly she was acting like I didn't exist. I was still containing my anger mostly. Attempting to stay rational. Her response to my messages set me off though: 'Okay.' Ali responded. I had really thought I would have meant more to her than an okay. A simple, bland okay to something I was upset about.

My rationality was gone: 'Really that's it?! That's all I get!'

She responded within about 10 minutes or so. 'What was I supposed to say?' Her vague responses were angering me. Even more so, her time to reply angered me further. At the same time though, her time between replies were giving me time to calm down and think about it. I was angry but I was also scared of losing her and trying to show that I care still.

I respond to her saying: 'I don't know, whatever you wanted to say, something more than that. I don't mean to be angry. I'm just really confused because I have no idea what I did or anything. It's just like, I like you man, And I'm just confused because I don't know what you feel anymore.' I didn't know what to do, I was so confused by her that it was hurting.

I got the best reply ever to that. 'I have to go to work. We will talk about this later,"

I sat around for what actually was hours this time, thinking about her. I spoke to 3 of my best friends. Mitchell and Amanda. They were both amazing and I was telling them what was happening and how upset I was, both angry and hurt. They were not happy I can say that. They are both like me when it comes to vague replies. Even they couldn't work out why she was acting the way she was with me. I loved them very much for being there for me. Talking to me and allowing me to vent my frustrations out.