Happiness
Anger
Sadness
Fear
These are all things people have felt. Not me. I have never felt any feelings such as these. I've never laughed at a joke, never felt "feelings" towards someone, and never expressed myself.
The way I see it, all feelings are a lie. False security for something that really isn't there. Maybe we're all this way inside. Emotionless. How some might say, dead?
Before you say anything, let me just tell you something. I've tried. I've tried to feel. Anything at all. Even pain...
Nothing is there...
These scars on my arms and wrists mean nothing if I can't FEEL them. I see them and nothing happens. I don't get upset or angry. It's just that I try so hard to feel something, anything.
My parents both love me very much. But what is love? Isn't it just a word like everything else we say? They say they "love" me. How can that be? Love, like everything else, is meaningless.
I've listened to music as well. The upbeat tunes, that should bring cheer and joy, only bring nothingness. Maybe I am dead inside. When I look at people I often feel-
feel?
What do I feel?
Feelings that should be there but aren't.
When I look at people I often feel... the urge to do horrible things to them...
It's not a feeling in itself, like anger or pleasure.
It's just there. Kind of like a craving.
I've seen the news, seen all the killings. Killers that kill for fun, for pleasure. But I'm not one of them. I feel nothing at all. Just an insatiable craving that is building inside me. I don't know how to change. I don't know if I CAN change.
This nothingness inside me.
Like a hole in my heart.
Please.
Fix me.
Before I kill again...
