Goodnight, William

The Prologue

I'd prefer to think life ends quickly for everyone. And while death might actually be quick, dying? Dying is a long and trying task. It costs money and time.

I suppose it also costs emotional time too. Not to the dead guy, but to the person who is still breathing. To recover from the distress and all that shit. That, I think, is the worst part. Okay, so you lose a couple thousand in the process, make it back, work a little harder. But the emotion you lose in the process, well that's damning.

I'm sure everyone wants to be superman/woman and assume that they are immune to all that. Well, they aren't. Personally, I've been to six funerals by age 14. Maybe that's not as much as it seems. But when you attach lives and faces to the numbers, they're three times as much.

If I could I'd lie my way through it, tell you that they all meant nothing and that I feel nothing. But I will not lie in this book. It's the one place where I'm not really known by everyone. That means I can be honest here, and I will be.

You see bad things happen sometimes, but I figure, why not write about them? What's the good in not documenting them? If I don't keep a record of things now, how will I remember them later on in life? I won't. So, here you go world, you've got access to my brain like no other will ever have. Don't abuse this power, it's a rare one to have.

Walking into the school on the first day of sixth grade, I was sure I was going to die. That this new grade would be my end. Sure, I knew some of the girls from when I used to be in the school. But a lot can change in two years. Some kids left (good riddance Calibeo) and others came, (hello Mia!).

But as it turns out, I met the most perfect fucking human being ever. Her name is Lucia. Quite frankly, I don't have enough time to fully explain here. You'll just have to wait until another chapter. Sorry :).

I suppose I was just as good as a new kid. I mean, my outfit alone was a big red sign. My hair, as time progressed, only got worse, but in sixth grade, it was already horrible.

Fast forward through time and I shaved the side of my head in seventh grade because it looked "edgy, emo, and cool" I might as well have just screamed, "It's not a phase mom". (For the record, it isn't) To be fair, I still identify as emo, just not with the makeup and hair. I guess my inside is emo if that makes any sense.

That makes me think of how people tend to be different.

Every once in a while you find the people who all act the same, but no matter what, everybody has their own reason for things. For example, I remember one time someone asked me to do something with them. You know, like go out on a date or something.

Now honestly, I don't know if it was because I was still in love with someone else, but I said no. I think it was because I was doing it for them. The person remained solid in their belief that I turned them down for myself, my own benefit or well being.

They just didn't realize that I was actually a hurricane. Their eyes would be in my eye and that would destroy them. God damn it, hurricanes suck ass.

However, they were wrong. I did it for them. And if they happen to ever read this, then I hope they know that I did it to save them from the pain and destruction I would bring to their world. I'm a no good, drug addict in the making. I know that. So I also know not to get attached. So I said no. It hurt me too. Sorry.

I fear I'm getting off topic here though, this book is not for me to bore you with the details of my sixth and seventh-grade existence, but everything after that. The details of my eighth-grade love life, hormone changes, abuse, and overall shit things (Also some good things but I'm emo so...) are going to be the topics of this book.

Throughout this book, you'll also notice many instances of "making excuses" and while sometimes I am, they're rarely what they seem. For example, most of the time, I'm just trying to explain myself in a way that would help you understand how it wasn't what it seemed. Or how my music mixing isn't useless because I can write enough songs to finish an album in a day. I just need someone to lay a track for me.

I mean that metaphorically and in real life so if you fuck with music private message me. I'd love to talk. Thanks.

I'm gonna warn you now, as both the author and main "character" if you will, there is swearing, an abundance of grammar mistakes, some possible triggers (I'll put warning for common ones at the start of chapters), thoughts that are romanticized, and teenage thinking (perhaps the deadliest of all ;)).

I also figure I need an update schedule. So, I'm gonna do every Friday at around 8:00 EST.

God, I just hope this is at least mediocre.

Enjoy,

A.D.G.

P.S. I recommend the mix at the top for so many reasons. Especially for this book. Also, I don't wanna be that person, but I'm gonna be that person, please vote, and comment, that kinda stuff really does inspire me!