Strings Of Life

Beating kids pt2. END

        You still never completely understood why your parents did this, and even after the beating they had no compassion or sympathy for you crying on the floor nearly hypoventilating. Since you didn't understand you began questioning to yourself. They say they love me so why do they do this? Why do they not care? Your list goes on with a lot more why's, but when you think about these things your mind always comes back to the words "if it hurts maybe you won't do it again." Sometimes when parents tell you something like those words they have no idea how it will effect you in the future. They just think of them as words. Sometimes parents don't realize that they are your biggest influence. Believe it or not you actually had a good life, you had money, I safe home, and nice people around you. Even though you had a good life at some points it feels like your suffocating under stone. Those stones over time became thicker and created some mild depression for you. Overall your life was good but when something bad happened, everything bad came flowing into your head. Every word in every bad memory remembered, all suffocating you in stone. When things got really tough those nine words would appear in your head. "If it hurts maybe you won't do it again." Too many bad experiences and you started to do self harm. Not cutting though because your mother said if she ever saw cuts on your wrists you would be in huge trouble. So when you started "harming" yourself you started by having sharp nails and scratching layers of skin off your arm so hard you cried. But you still believed you should do it so the pain would make you want to stop what the other problem was. Needless to say it didn't work. Then you started finding sharp things and swiping them across your wrist leaving marks only noticable if your arm was examined.