It Moves

Previously

Sometimes i find a place on my pillow that smells exactly like you, but you're gone.

Sometimes i find your fingerprints on a glass from previous nights, but you're gone.

Sometimes i find you in my thoughts about the future, but you're gone.

And no matter how much i acknowledge your absense, i still see you.

Although what stands behind you is worse. It smuthers your trace, your foot step, your scent, everything that lingers around your warmth; agressivley destroying me, day by day and i wonder whether it will ever go away.

++

The feeling you get at the very start of a new year in your stomach, it gives you instincts and thoughts about what bad and good things could happen this year. As everyone does but most fail this small but dedicated decision; they try to achieve their new year resolution. I told my bestfriend and family that i just wanted to do well in school. Although, all i wanted was a better year than the last but there it is... Ever since that gut feeling set in, my world had turned upside down and i feel as though everything has had a sudden urge to destroy every segment of what makes myself who i am and what i care about.

2 days ago

It's a challenge, a challenge to recognise my surroundings when the slightest ray of light reflects off the walls making the room glow. I hear the bubbles boiling in the kettle, as my family chatters about what is planned for today. I slowly uncover my face now that i have adjusted to the glow, looking around just recapping where each large or small object sits in my room. I reach over and grab my phone, focusing my eyes on the background first. It displays a picture of my boyfriend, brother and I mucking around at an amusement park; it reads 9.27am. I quickly check my messages i have recieved:

Lachie: Goodmorning beautiful xx I love you so much Ava :*

A huge grin creeps onto my face, as i start to blush. I push the covers towards my feet and get out of bed, standing up to see my reflection in the mirror. My hair is swept across my face, my necklace back to front, my mascara smudges under my eyes and my lips dry and cracked. As i walk towards the door, i neaten my hair and fix my necklace. One step out of my room, i hear 'we're going to go swimming at the pier? Yay!' from my brother's highpitched voice. Now that i am deaf, i walk back towards my bed planning to collapse, curl up into a ball and think about how each day may occur and how it will affect me.

++

I hear the scutters from my family walking up and down the hallway, as they check the house to see if they've forgotten anything for our day at the pier. I look around my room, noticing my headphones are on the floor. I pick them up and stuff them in my bag. I walk out of my bedroom, I do a quick scan of my brother, Jesse, room; a corner of the duvet thrown over to the other side, books flowing out of the bookshelf, cute little decorations everywhere in his room. In my mind, i think to myself, wow very clean, typical.

++

We turn into a side street, walking distance from the pier. It's negative 100 degrees in the car but a 40 degrees outside! The change from a climate of the snow and stepping oustide, makes me feel like im on flames. I grab Jesse and I's bag out of the boot and we run straight for the pier. I can hear my dad telling us to be careful. Pfft, im going to beat this 8 year old, small, super fast.. catching up to me.. overtaking me.. wow, Ava wow. You just let him beat you! We drop our bags at the end of the pier and jump straight in, not cautious of what is down there.

An hour has gone past and i think ive swallowed the whole ocean by now from constantly jumping in, one after another. I decide that i should take a break and tan while the water goes through my body. I walk towards the start of the pier where my dad has put them. I grab my towel out of bag and go to lay it down on the steaming sand. Although, I see my dad look at Jesse and straight at back at me.. here we go.

"Ava?" my dad says.

"Yeah?" I reply not looking forward to what is about to be suggested.

"Can you go lie on your towel at the end of the pier and keep an eye out for Jesse? You do realise he isnt a strong swimmer, right?" my dad says in a concerned tone.

'Oh yeah. Sorry about that, ill just grab a few things first" I reply.

He smiles.

I bend down and grab my bag. I secure my rolled towel under my arm with my phone and my headphones in my other hand. I start heading over to the end of the pier, I can clearly make out Jesse jumping off the pier. I look to my left, right and down at my feet. I look between the planks of wood to see the water ripples and the seaweed which seems to look quite long and thick. I make it to the end, lie my towel on the boards, plug my headphones in, the volume on maximum and i take a quick look at Jesse before i shut my eyes.

He looks like hes having heaps of fun, although i can tell he gets even more scared of the seaweed after every jump. Im sure he'll be fine. I get shivers from the wind smoothly touching the water droplets that land on me from Jesse jumping in the water. They keep multiply every second, I wipe the droplets off and continue listening to my music. However, there's more drops than usual. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and tilt my head up trying to get a clear view of Jesse...