Living with Dan Howell

Kentucky, phil, and dan.

I had only been in Kentucky for about three weeks. I found a job and an apartment to stay in.

I never stopped thinking of Dan and Phil. I missed so incredibly much and I was having a hard time living without them.

I've been in the hospital four times and I began to cut again. I developed severe anxiety and depression and I was socially inactive.

I had nobody.

One day, I heard a knock on my door. I opened it slowly and saw Phil. I brightened up and smiled happily. I hugged him tightly and he hugged me back.

"PHIL!!! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE YOU AGAIN!" I said happily.

He chuckled slightly and kissed me. I kissed him back.

I had forgotten to put on a jacket but he didn't notice my extremely deep cuts, thank god.

We sat down on my couch.

"So, what has been going on since you left?"

"I need to come back." I answered right after he asked. "I've been to the hospital four times from people either beating me up or stabbing me. I developed severe anxiety and I'm socially inactive." I told him what else has happened.

He wrapped his arms around me and that's when he noticed them. He gently grabbed my writs and looked at the scabs.

I looked down, ashamed and embarrassed.

"You're coming home." he told me.

I nodded ever so slightly and hugged him again.

****

So, we caught a plane, flew back to England, and drove back to the flat.

As I walked up to the door, my heart pounded.

I looked extremely different from the last time Dan saw me. Mostly in the appearance of weight..I lost so much of it. At least I wasn't an ugly kind of skinny...

I had no jacket on. Crap.

Just as Dan opened the door, he pressed my wrists against my stomach. He smiled brightly and Phil brought my things inside.

I smiled back and he gave me a hug. WHY DAN, WHY?

I cringed in horrible pain but tried to hide it.

After a while of hanging out and talking, I quickly went to my room and noticed blood from my wrists on my shirt.

I sighed and changed my shirt. And I made sure it was long sleeved.

I plopped down on my bed and groaned.

"DAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN" I yelled for him. He rushed into my room.

"What's wrong!?" he asked in a panicked tone.

"Nothing..I just wanted you up here." I sat up and looked at him.

"Oh, you scared me." he said as he sat down next me. I started talking to him about what I developed and what I started doing in Kentucky. He freaked out a little but I felt like I got something huge lifted off my chest.

We sat in my room laughing and talking pretty much the whole day. It was really cool.