Phil | A Sad Phanfiction

Phil - A Short Story

I sat on the old, battered couch, head in hands. Tears were streaming down my face. My big brown eyes were bloodshot from crying for hours. The grandfather clock in the corner of the room was loudly ticking away the time I had spent mourning. My mum had let me stay in my old room, since staying in the flat would have been too hard for me.

It had been a week since my best friend had been killed. I would wake up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat, remembering the gunshots as he fell to the ground. The sirens. The screaming. Why him? Why not me?

"Dan?" I heard a knock against the archway into the lounge. I looked up with my red, puffy, brown eyes. Mum was standing there, her eyes coated with tears. "Someone's here to see you."

I pushed back my curly, brown hair and looked down at my tear-stained shirt. I was wearing the same shirt the night... he died. The funeral was tomorrow and I wasn't even sure if I could even do that, let alone talk to someone. My heart ached and my legs were shaking as I stood up.

Reluctantly, I opened the front door. Standing in front of me was a young girl with her mother. She looked up at me, with blue eyes just like him and dark, black hair which he had as well. She looked too much like him, and I lost it. I started crying in front of this family, shaking with sobs. The young girl hugged me and gave me a card with his name on it.

The young girl never spoke. She just hugged me until her mother beckoned her to go. I shut the door and stared down at the card. In cursive writing it said, "PHIL". That was his name. My best friend Phil. Was gone.

***

Many people visited us and I now had hundreds of people mourning the loss of Phil. The funeral was terrible. I wasn't able to give a speech for the death of my own best friend. I was sobbing throughout the ceremony. Phil's family was devastated, all our fans were devastated. Life was ruined. I didn't know how I could live without Phil.

I finally worked up the courage to make a video for my fans on YouTube. A month. One month without Phil, and nothing felt right. I would burst into tears when anyone mentioned Phil or something he would do. I hadn't even been to the flat. His stuff was still there; his clothes, his furniture, his life. I sat down on my bed, set up my camera, and wiped the tears from my eyes. I had changed into a fresh pair of clothes, black, reflecting my mood.

"Hello internet," I paused, sniffing. "I know this is devastating. I lost my best friend, my biggest fan, and most importantly my lover."

I stared directly at the camera and said these words that I had never said before on my channel, "I loved Philip Lester. I know most of you are hurting, Phil didn't deserve to die. He was a sunshine, a rainbow of happiness. Phil knows, wherever he is, that I loved him, and he loved me. Phil wouldn't want any of you to be sad, he loved you all."

Shaking with tears, I managed to say three last words. "I love you."

I shut off the camera and uploaded the video without editing it, everyone deserved to know everything. I couldn't hide my feelings any longer. The comments started rolling in, but I didn't even care to look.

Laying down on my bed, I started to think about what would've happened if Phil we're still alive. We would expand our channels, continue our life together, grow old together, have a family together. We could have done so much. Phil was too young, only 30. Closing my eyes, I fell into a deep sleep.

In my dreams, Phil was standing there, doing that grin he always used to use. I looked sadly at him. Clips of all our memories together started playing in my mind. Our first video together, meeting fans, and all those nights we spent cuddled up by the television watching anime. I remembered when I denied a million times that Phil wasn't in a relationship with me, that was a dark time. I was severely depressed, lost weight, became sadder, but throughout the entirety of it all, Phil was there, helping me. I flashed back to the hospital where Phil was laying in the hospital bed, bloody and tired. Standing there by his side was me, crying. Phil's last words were...

"This was the most fun I've ever had."