I hate this movie so much. I hate it, I hate the fans of it, I hate the Spinosaurus. I'm gonna explain why. But first, some background.
Jurassic Park, If you don't know what it is, first off, how's the rock you live under? second, go watch it now, was originally a novel written by famous author, Michael Crichton, in 1990. Three years later, it was brought to life on the big screen. The Jurassic Park film was a big hit, so big that it got a sequel, and another one, and another one. The lost World: Jurassic Park, probably one of the most mixed film sequels ever. I like it. That's all I'll say about the Lost world for now. But in 2001, it happened. Jurassic Park 3 came out. You probably know it from this.
That one moment is probably, no, it is the most controversial moment in Jurassic Park history, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Jurassic Park 3 is almost Universally considered the worst Jurassic Park movie. And it is.
It fucks up the cannon
It fucks up the raptors
It has shitty dialogue
It has stupid (and forgettable) Characters
It's just a bad movie. I'm going to go in depth as to why it is.
PLOT
The plot is extremely basic. Basically, a boy named Eric Kirby goes missing of the coast of Isla Sorna because while he was parasailing with his step dad, the crew of the boat below got eaten by plot convenience. Meanwhile, Dr. Grant is playing with a kid who's not his son because that heartwarming scene at the end of the first movie didn't mean Grant and Ellie were going to get together
Grant it, in the novel, he and Ellie weren't together. Grant said Ellie was engaged to someone. I also didn't finish the novel. After Grant finishes a speech by saying he totally won't go back to Jurassic Park, he gets paid by Paul and Amanda Kirby, the divorced parents of the kid from the beginning, to go back to Jurassic Park to help them find their son.
They are joined by Billy, Grant's co-worker who says the dig sites need money and they need to breakdance to keep the mayor from building a golf course over them(not really, of course), Nash, a black mercenary, udesky, a bald mercenary with a mustache, and hooper, the.... Guy who dies first? Together they go to Isla Sorna to find Eric and avoid becoming human fruitloops for Toucan Sam, but more on that later.
Characters
All of these Characters are either stupid,
Or forgettable. Seriously name all three of the mercenaries they bring with them.
Jurassic Park 3 fan: oh well there's Udesky, uhhh- oh, hooper, annnnnnd-
Nas-
Jurassic Park 3 fan:NASH, IT'S NASH! I SAID IT FIRST.
okay, name four traits for each character.
Jurassic Park 3 fan: ok, the mercenaries, umm, oh they have guns, Nash is black, udesky is bald, hooper dies first. Uhhh, OH! Paul and Amanda Kirby are divorced, Eric Kirby is good at surviving, aaaaaaannnnd the Spinosaurus has a fetish for T-Rex piss.
That's it. Nothing else. They are poorly written. Billy wants to take eggs from the raptors to fund the dig sites. Grant says that's a bad idea. This is like something I would've written when I was six.
Effects
The effects in this one are a serious downgrade in comparison to the previous two movies. I'm gonna compare the first T-Rex attack from the first movie, to Woody woodpecker's first attack in the third movie.
Notice how much better looking the T-Rex looks. The cardinal looks stiff and robotic. In the first JP, they only used CG when it was absolutely necessary. They try to do it in Jp3, but the Cg, looks bad. Grant it, I have seen worse CG dinosaurs * cough cough * asylum * cough cough * but the CG is a Huge downgrade compared to the first, which came out EIGHT YEARS BEFORE JP3! The animatronics in Jp3 are a HUGE downgrade, which is sad because jp3 was one of the last films to use animatronics. And it's like they knew it looked like shit, so they did the AvP thing where they just zoom in on the action so you can't tell how good/bad the effects are. And they hardly let you get a good look at the Spinosaurus
Good things
The one good scene in this movie is the Pteranadon scene.
But that's taken from the novel.
It's short
Final thoughts
It is a bad movie. Not the worst. But I wouldn't recommend it. It gets a 3/10
