"Bei, hindi ka nakaschedule today.." there was an obvious curiosity in Kim's voice while I'm mopping the floor. Kakatapos lang namin magtraining and to be honest, I'm too tired to do this already. But I opted to kesa naman hindi ako makatulog ng maayos mamaya pag-uwi.
"Yeah, well..I just want to help my co-captain. Masama ba?" I joked her while helping her pick up the balls on the floor.
"Sus Bea, ako pa talaga? Iniiwasan mo na naman ba si Thirdy? He was inviting you kanina na ihatid ka.."
I continued picking, trying to pretend I didn't hear her.
"Oy.." I felt her tapping my shoulder.
"What?"
"Kunwari ka pa di mo ko narinig. Tinatanong ko kung iniiwasan mo na naman ba si Thirdy.." her hands are on her waist, eyeing me seriously. I laughed.
"Anong iniiwasan?" I said in a dismissive tone. "Walang gano'n. Okay lang kami, lagi naman kaming okay di ba?"
Kinuha ni Kim yong arm ko dragging me to one of the benches. We sat.
"Kimmy..."
"Hindi, we need to talk. Tutal e nandito na rin naman tayo, then we better talk about this problem of yours."
"Wala akong problema.." depensa ko. Tinaasan n'ya lang ako ng kilay.
"Okay, okay..sige na nga. Ano bang gusto mo malaman?"
"First things first, may gap na naman ba kayo? I thought okay na kayo. You even shocked the hell out of me no'ng sinabi mong sya pala inaya mo no'ng BOTR..."
"Well..Thirdy and I are...we're...we're good."
"Bea, if good is watching you so distracted while we're training, if good is seeing you lie just to avoid him, if good is yong makita ka magtraining sa umaga minsan na namumugto yung mata..I'd rather not have that kind of good..."
I sighed. "Hindi ko na rin kasi alam, Kim. Old ghosts are haunting me na naman. Lagi nalang akong ganito. Lagi nalang kaming ganito."
"I heard he recently..." her voice trailed off but I know what she's trying to say.
"Yeah..sorry but I can't comment on that kasi.." I chewed my lip. "I don't know..sorry.."
"It's okay, Bea." she tapped my shoulder. "Gano'n naman kasi talaga si Thirdy ever since. Magulo. Yung feelings lang yata talaga nya sayo ang malinaw, pero sa sobrang gulo ng ibang aspeto ng buhay nya, nagiging totally messed up na rin even one of the most constant truths about him. Which is you."
"Ang fucked up ko rin kasi Kim, I can't blame him." I was half-laughing, half-wiping my tears. "I can't handle his love properly...lagi ko na lang s'ya pinupush away. And then I'll end up chasing him. Pag naabutan ko naman sya, pakakawalan ko na naman. Our story is slowly turning into a toxic cycle."
"So you'd rather just let him go na talaga?"
"How do you know if it's time to let go, Kim?"
"There's no exact answer on that question, Bea.." she sighed looking at the whole court infront of us. "But I remember my mother saying to me once, na we'll realize how much we need someone, if we can't imagine a life without them in the picture no matter how imperfect that picture is. Now, ask yourself Bea; can you imagine your life without him in it?"
——————-
"Dani.."
"Yes ate?"
I scratched my forehead. We're having our break and I've been trying to ask this question kanina pa. The young girl eyed me curiously, and I can't help but to smile because I can see Thirdy in her. She's just a softer, more innocent version of him.
