slow burn // derek discanio

sixteen

Months passed and I still felt so empty inside, but I tried to cover it up.
I loved working at the music store Haley directed me to, and everyone was super nice. It wasn't the same as Harley's, but it was close enough.
I hadn't been speaking to Haley too much because I knew Derek would probably look for me there and talk to her. I couldn't take any risk of getting Derek in trouble.
I didn't know anything about what State Champs had been doing lately because I was so fearful of them losing their jobs. I wasn't taking any chances, so I stayed off the grid as much as possible.
As I packed up sheet music into boxes at the music store, my manager had Spotify playing in the background. A song came on that had a soft, guitar-strummed beginning and then I instantly recognized the voice singing.
"Been around the world and back this year, told myself I wanna face this fear but I don't think I can stand on my own," Derek's sweet voice sung.
My heart sunk in my chest as I took in the familiar voice I hadn't heard in so long. The song was so good and I was so proud of how far they'd come even since I had left. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. My manager, Jenna, looked over at me concerned.
"Albany?" she asked. "You okay?"
Sobs took over my body and I couldn't hold them on my throat. Jenna rushed over to me and hugged me. "Hey, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you," she assured me. It was a sincere gesture, but I wasn't ready for someone else to know my crazy love story.
"Thanks, Jenna," I replied.
"You can go home if you need to," she told me. "I've got you covered."
"You're the best," I said as I grabbed my bag and headed out the door.
I started walking down the sidewalk back to my apartment when the lights outside a bar caught my eye. My emotional breakdown tonight called for a few drinks.
I stepped inside and pushed through the crowd of people until I found a bar seat and planted myself on it.
"Drinking away your problems?" the guy next to me asked.
I shrugged. "I guess I am." I glanced over at him, taking in his face. He was very attractive and had beautiful eyes.
"Let me buy your drink," he offered. He grinned, revealing his perfectly white teeth. "I'm Parker."
I returned a half smile. "Albany."
"Like the city?" he asked. "You ever been there?"
My chest ached yet again. "Actually, yeah."
I needed to get over Derek. I was never going to see him again or even contact him, so it wasn't worth me being sad forever. As much as I loved Derek, I needed to forget about him. Maybe Parker could be my distraction.
Parker ordered my drink as we continued to talk. It was actually really nice getting to know him. He was very flirty and smooth with me, but I was also very vulnerable.
After an hour of talking, he placed his hand on top of mine on the bar top. "Want to come back to my place?" he asked, a convincing smile on his face.
For the first time since I had started talking to Parker, Derek's face popped back into my mind. I quickly pushed it away, knowing his memory couldn't keep me away from men forever.
"I'd love to," I said, taking Parker's hand as we wove our way out of the bar.
Within a few blocks, we headed into a small apartment building and he unlocked his door. The building smelled of smoke and there was a weird aura to it. I ignored it as Parker shut the door behind me.
Before tonight, I never would have done something so reckless as go home with someone who I had only known for an hour. Something bad really could happen, but for some reason I didn't care. I had nothing to lose.
Parker placed his hands on my sides and I flinched under his touch. To him, it just seemed like I was nervous, but it really just felt so...different. It wasn't the same as when Derek's hands were touching me.
Parker's hands connected behind my back and his face leaned closer to mine. I could smell to alcohol on his breath as his mouth came closer. Our lips attached and he kissed me hungrily. My fingers ran through his hair as he backed me up against the wall.
The way he kissed me wasn't in an affectionate way, it was purely hunger. I felt no connection with him yet I continued to kiss him because I was desperate just to feel something.
His hand tugged at the bottom of my shirt and he peeled it off my body. It was this moment that I realized what a mistake I was making. Parker had intentions far more intimate than I had even experienced with Derek. There was no way I was going to do anything like that with a stranger.
I pushed Parker off of me and he stumbled back, surprised. "What's your problem?" he exclaimed.
"I--I can't," I stammered, picking my shirt off the ground and struggling to pull it back onto my body.
"Are you kidding me?" he asked angrily.
I was afraid of what he might do if he was angry while under the influence, so I quickly grabbed my bag and sprinted through the door, out the building, and down the street. I never run so fast in my life.
This time as I entered my apartment that was still unfamiliar, I was crying harder than I had been before. There was no getting over Derek.
I don't think it's possible to love anyone else as much as I loved Derek. I loved him so much that I sacrificed being part of his life for his own happiness. My life was miserable now because of it, but deep down I was content that Derek was still living his dream.