Save me! (Boyxboy)

Chapter 3

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Jayden's POV

I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)

I turn over and slap at the alarm clock till it finally stops blaring Animal I've Become. I close my eyes again before I finally gather the energy to stand up and shuffle to the bathroom.

I turn the shower on to warm it up before I strip and step into the now warm water. My arms are sore from blocking my dad's kicks last night and it hurts to lift them to wash my hair but I just grit my teeth and endure it. After I get done washing I just stand there and let the warm water run down my body and sooth the aches and sores. When the water started going cold I glare at the shower head for ruining my peace and shut off the water.

I step out and dry off with a worn out towel. I wrap it around my waist and gather my clothes before heading quietly to my room. Once there I trow the towel and dirty clothes in a small basket and pull on a blue pair of boxers. I check the time and see that I still have half an hour to get ready for school.

I feel a smile lift my lips. Not from happiness, but from sick greed. I glance at my door but I know it's too early for my dad to be up. I walk to my closet and open the door. I drop to my knees and open my secret panel. I feel around and finally prick my finger on my prize. I pull it out quickly and stare at it.

I was having mixed feeling now. It's always like this. If I don't have the blade in my hand then I have an intense craving for it, but when I do have it I feel disgusted that I have to resort to harming my body more just to feel in control of this pathetic life.

'Go on and cut yourself! Your already disgusting, it might be an improvement. No one will ever love you. Your mother was probably ashamed of you and that's why she would leave you when she went to visit friends.' The voice was back again. Every time I hesitated in cutting the voice would appear and remind me of all the reasons I should.

When the voice mentioned my mother that was the end of doubt for me. Since my arms and stomach were littered with bruises I slid my boxers up to reveal my thighs. I griped the blade tighter as I brought it to my skin and began to slowly make the first cut. Going slow adds to the pain so after the first cut I quickly run it across my leg.

6 times on my right thigh and the same on my other. I am a little OCD so I make sure that I have the same amount of cuts on each leg.

I sit there and bite my lip in shame that I gave into the voice again. I squeeze my eyes shut before opening them and watching the blood run down my legs. I grab a towel that's already bloodstained and wipe the blood away before wrapping my legs. I stand and ignore my cuts as the scream in protest.

Once everything is in it's place I get dressed for school. I decide to wear black skinny jeans instead of gray today just incase my cuts bleed. I throw on a random t shirt and notice it's an emerald green color. Ha that kind of reminds me on Ethan's eyes.

Wait what?! No bad Jayden! You can't think that way! Just because he doesn't beat you up doesn't mean he likes you. He's straight and he hangs out with Daniel sometimes. It's just my luck. First I'm gay then I have to have a crush on someone that I would never have a chance with.