duty. (boyxboy)

chapter 3.

It would be nearly two months before Forven met Aywin again. His parents had wanted them to get together much sooner, but Forven had pressed that he wanted to think about it for a little longer. Not wanting to eliminate Forven's interest in her, they had agreed.

Aywin of Ithrándar was one of the loveliest people Forven had ever met. She was sweet, funny, smart and seemed to really care for her country and her people. When she and Forven walked around the gardens of Sineth castle, they talked about their travels and their dreams. She wasn't afraid to show people her intelligence. She wasn't first or even second in line for the throne, nor would she be if she got a baby brother. 'That's just how it works', she was told him. 'In this world there is no place for women.'

Forven might have been naive but he wasn't dumb. He knew that both his and Aywin's parents were desperate to bind them in marriage. He knew that. And he really liked Aywin, so it shouldn't be a difficult decision. Except it was.

"I can tell something is on your mind. What's bothering you?" Aywin placed a delicate hand on Forven's shoulder and squeezed lightly. The touch would have been comforting if it had been anyone else. Right now, Forven felt like throwing up.

"Please don't touch me." His voice was near a whisper. He tried to make it sound like it wasn't her fault and thankfully she understood.

"Alright, fine. But please tell me what is going on. I can't stand your pained face." The voice that had sounded like music in his ears just days ago now sounded sickeningly sweet. He couldn't stand it. He didn't understand why he was feeling this way towards Aywin all of a sudden.

"Forven? Hey! Look at me, Forven!" Forven's breathing had quickened rapidly and his chest was heaving. He didn't know what he was feeling and he didn't know why. His mind had registered Aywin's voice but he didn't know what direction it was coming from. He only knew he never wanted to hear the word 'marriage' uttered in his presence ever again.

"Guards!" Forven didn't know what was going on. He didn't care.

Forven wasn't great at dealing with stress. He often got irritated and angry and on occasions he got panic attacks. His father made him feel bad about it. 'A king doesn't panic', he always said. Forven hated it, hated himself for it, but he just didn't know what to do. He didn't know many things.

The guards had taken Forven inside during his episode in the gardens. Aywin had stayed by his side the entire time and breathed with him, effectively calming him down. He was grateful but he just couldn't feel entirely comfortable around her after what had happened. It wasn't because of her that he felt this way. It was his parents that were pushing him to get married when he obviously wasn't ready yet.

"I'm sorry that you had to see that."

"Don't apologise, I'm just glad you're fine. Do you want to talk about it?" Forven shook his head. This was something he had to talk to his parents about; he had to somehow convince them to postpone his marriage. They were planning on marrying him and Aywin in no less than four months from now, he had overheard them saying. He had felt like crying and tearing his hair out. He felt like was living in a prison with golden bars.

"Do you want me to get anyone?" Aywin softly asked. "No, I'm fine. Thank you, Aywin." He took a hold of her hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles.

"If it makes it any better, I don't want to get married either." Forven looked up to her. Her eyes were big and full of love. He felt a pain deep inside him when he realised that he couldn't give her the love she deserved. A tear slowly ran down his cheek and it didn't take long before he was sobbing.