Sean and I parted ways with Harry, and I stand motionless as I watch Harry walk down the street and out of sight. I knew I'd eventually run into Harry someday, but I didn't want it to happen this way, especially not in front of Sean. But seeing Harry again took me by surprise and his name left my mouth before I could stop it. Now I've made things more complicated not only for me and Sean, but for Harry, too. God knows what's currently running through Harry's mind. Hell, I never really knew what was going through his mind when we were together, but the sadness I saw in his eyes when he saw me with Sean spoke louder than anything he could have said. Inside, I knew he was hurting, because that's not the first time I've broken his heart.
I hadn't slept for two weeks. Or at least that's what it felt like. I had been pacing around the apartment all week, unsure of how I would tell Harry, or if I would tell Harry. I could just leave and not tell him at all, he wouldn't have to know, but he might never forgive me if he ever found out. My stomach begins to church at the thought. It would be easier to just tell Harry, but I know that he'll eventually put the band second, and I don't want to be the one responsible for breaking up the band.
I sit down on the couch to try and calm down so I can think about this rationally, but my legs stand me up again and start moving me around the flat. I stop in the doorway of the bedroom that Harry and I share, and I slowly make my way over to the bed. Lying down on Harry's side, I clutch his pillow close my chest, the scent of him filling my nostrils. Even though Harry was gone most of the time, and I missed him like crazy, I still loved him. I would always love him, and he would always love me, so that's why it would be better for the both of us if I left.
I get up from the bed, slowly making my way back into the living room and sitting on the couch where all I can do is sit and wait.
-
It's been two hours since Harry was supposed to be home, and the longer I wait, the harder my decision gets. My heart physically aches, because the last thing I want to do is hurt Harry, but if I stay, it would only hurt him more than if I left. Tears begin to fall from my eyes and within seconds, a few tears turn into uncontrollable sobs. If this decision is this hard for me, I could only imagine what it would do to Harry.
-
Another twenty minutes have passed and Harry still hasn't come home. My tears have finally stopped, but my cheeks are still wet. I start wiping away the tears from my cheeks when I hear the door open. Suddenly I wish he came home even later so I could just leave and not have to tell him anything at all, because I'm not sure I can anymore.
I pull my knees up to my chest in hopes of relaxing the sudden pounding in my chest, but then I hear footsteps approaching and I can hear the pounding in my ears.
"Hi babe, I'm home," I hear Harry say behind me. He walks over to me and leans in for a kiss, but I turn away, because kissing him would only make this harder than it already is.
"Athena," he says softly, placing his hand on my knee. "What's wrong?"
More tears threaten to fall, but I blink them back, building up the courage to just come out and say it - like ripping off a band-aid.
"I can't do this anymore," I say so quietly, I barely hear it myself. "I'm sorry, Harry."
The tears I've been holding back finally fall and I have to get off the couch so I don't have to look at Harry. I return to the bedroom and grab the bags I packed earlier. I wipe my eyes with back of my sleeve, straighten my back and walk towards to door, not bothering to look back at Harry. I walk out the door and wait until I'm at the end of the hall before I collapse against the wall to let the sobs continue.
