Seven Heavenly Virtues- BakuDeku

chastity is a virtue (that katsuki bakugo is trying to keep up)

Deku was never supposed to get hot .

To Katsuki, the nerd who followed him around throughout the better part of his childhood was a lot of things, but he wasn't, and he was never supposed to be , hot. Sure, they've grown up a lot since then, but changing that much is too much, and he was never supposed to get hot .

There are a lot of problems with that, the first and foremost being that it just seems plain wrong , but the underlying, more serious problem is that it brings things to the surface that were better left hidden. Such as the fact that, hot or not, there has always been more to Katsuki's feelings that annoyance, and that, behind his jealousy and behind their rivalry, there has always been an extra something that he has been just fine keeping to himself.

Now that Deku went and got fucking hot, that's all been blown completely to hell, and even if he will continue denying his feelings through it all, he can't deny his attraction anymore. It's all he can do to keep that to himself, and all he can do to contain this ridiculous, fucking stupid desire growing inside of him, one that becomes almost like a need- and boy does that ever piss him off.

Ordinary days at school slowly become torturous, until waiting to get home is almost impossible, and even the littlest things Deku does throughout the day stick with him, keeping him up and forcing him t take care of things, even when he promises himself that he won't. So many times, he swears that it will be the last time, and that he will never give into those bullshit desires again, but he always ends up failing himself.

He always ends up rolling and tossing and turning and pressing himself to his mattress in a desperate attempt to kill this need once and for all, only to roll back over and wrap his hand around his cock, biting his lip to hold back any sound as he finally takes care of matters. Sometimes it's over with quickly, and other times seems to take hours, and more often than not, he works himself into exhaustion, trying to get Deku out of his mind once and for all.

But he's starting to discover that there's no way to get rid of him completely. When he closes his eyes in idle moments, he can see those bright eyes and that shaky smile, and then his mind starts to wander to other places and he's only reminded of just how deep he is, and he's so fucking tired of it.

But once he reaches that point, it's always easier for him to just go along with what his body wants him to do- or, rather, one of many things. Ultimately, what he really wants is to take Deku aside one day, find somewhere secluded, and just have his way with him, but he's not unrealistic, and he knows that that simply isn't going to happen. He has some self-control, damn it, and like hell he's just going to give himself away like that. His attraction to the other boy is something he's planning on taking to his grave.

However, the little restraint that he has is hardly a comfort. After all, he is still driven to pleasure himself regularly, and there is only ever one person on his mind. What he wouldn't give to fall for someone, anyone, else in this way, just to prove that it isn't Deku that has such a strong hold on him.

He simply was not supposed to get hot, and if he hadn't Katsuki wouldn't have had to worry about who he was or was not attracted to, because he would have never had to face his feeling for Izuku Midoriya in the first place. If he had just stayed the way he was- adorable, still very attractive, but not hot , and so much easier to ignore- then Katsuki wouldn't be up all night, panting and covered in sweat and fantasizing about what he could do, if only Deku were there with him.

He doesn't know why his mind goes the places it does on those late nights. As much as he wants to imagine himself, shoving the other boy down and showing him who's boss, pounding him into the mattress with abandon, those fantasies always fade into something else entirely. He never imagines Deku being quite so rough with him, but he does imagine him as one hell of a tease, mocking him behind those innocent eyes and nipping along the back of his neck, as if threatening to leave marks that everyone could see.

Katsuki doesn't want to fantasize about that, but it's where his mind always goes, and that's always the point when he gasps out and starts working his hand faster, more frantically. He gets so goddamned desperate towards the end, though he just tries to tell himself that it's because the sooner he finishes, the sooner he can try to forget about it, not that fucking Deku leaves him so needy. When he imagines that face, those eyes, those lips , that fucking body , however, he knows that it's exactly that; he's so fucking needy , he's in far too deep.

The only comfort he has, when it's all said and done, is that he's able to take care of it all by himself. Not once has he been forced to act upon his feelings and actually try to get Deku to fuck him, and no matter how physically close they are, he never lets on that that's what he wants from him. It is still pathetic that he's driven to the point that he always is, but he takes comfort in the fact that it could be so much worse.

On the nights when he absolutely can't sleep because he can't get Deku off his mind- and those nights are so, so frequent- he can at least take comfort in the fact that he has this much restraint. He doesn't let himself think about the fact that he can't be satisfied on his own forever.