why in hell did you ever pick me

things will get better I promise

Things will never be the same, I don't know what else is going to happen are things going to change or just be the same am I still Have to be with Marc or someone else is running into my life I don't know these things......

Is Lillyanna going to be with Austin Carlile or not......

I don't know we'll see..
......Lilly.......

The night that I saw Marc with another girl it just hurt me. I didn't think that he will do that to me. I thank Austin for being there for me.

....that same night.......

Austin and I where sitting down, Austin was whipping my tears, when I ask "Austin why will he do this to me, I was loyal to him all this time"

Austin replies "Lilly I'm a tell you this, his a dick, he didn't know how to take care of a wonderful girl like you, he lost one thing that he ever had and got another scank so he could mess with"

I look at Austin with a blank expression  "Austin you really care thank you for being here for me"

while he strokes my hair through his fingers and gives a kiss on my for head he replies "yeah I just want you to be safe, I just have to tell you something"

Austin graping my arm looking down on it he sees some scars that where still fresh "Lilly please promise me that you won't do this" I try to pull away, Austin graping my arm
to hard I reply "Austin I can't make any promises, I'm very bad at this promise stuff I just can't"

Austin looks very disappointed at me then we start walking to my house.

........next day.......

I was still trying to recover from what I saw last night, I went down stairs to see if there was any monsters in the frig.

As soon as I walk into the kitchen, I see Austin drinking a monster "hey aus is that the last one" he looks at me and says "no there's one more" and Alan looks at me and I look back at him, I start running "Alan don't you think about it I really need that monster" I beat Alan to the frig and grab it, I stick my toung out just playing around.

I went back to the living room, I see my brother talking to Phil I interrupt them and I say "hey Phil how's it going"

he looks at me, with a blank expression "I'm doing okay, how are you"

I reply trying to find a seat "I'm doing okay it's just that I don't know anymore"

he questions "what don't you know anymore"

I try to sound strong "I don't know about Marc I saw him fucking another girl at my favorite park"

he looks at me "what the fuck, what Mather-fucking dick did you saw anything after that"

I try to be strong to cry in front of my brother or Phil "yeah I left a message and I never heard anything back, but I told him that I was breaking up with him"

I add on "Austin was with me when I saw Marc, I ran off to a waterfall, Austin finds me I just start crying even more when he's there"

Phil looks at Austin then back at me "Lilly Austin is a great guy you deserve better than that dick Marc" I hug Phil and I run off to my room

I grab my note book and I start writing some poems and some some songs.

I don't know but writing down how I feel is something that releases me to another world to solace that I mostly love and I just write I feel free. I hear someone coming up the stairs, coming to my room.

Nock nock, I get up my bed and open my door seeing it's Austin.

Austin asks "Lilly are you okay can I come in"

I try to cover my notebook "yeah just give me sec"

I walk towards the door to open it, I walk back trying to cover my notebook

"Lilly your looking suspicious what are you hiding"

I mumble "wha......wha........what I'm.......I'm.......I'm not hiding anything"

he looks onto my bed and then back at me "what's that your hiding on your bed"

I try to run to my bed but he beat me to it "aus please don't make fun of Me"

Austin starts reading one of my poems

"with this pain it breaks me, the scars on my arm are a constant reminder, that things in my life are falling apart, I can't live with this pain I have to do something I can't anymore, the scars on my arm it breaks me even more I need you to with me for now on"

Austin looks at me "lily this is good why don't you let people read your things"

I look at him with a blank expression "Austin I just don't like showing people my songs or peoms, the only person I show my peoms and songs is one of my best friend Ashly, I showed Marc but he said they were horrible and i never again showed anyone else"

Austin looks at me trying to prof a point "Lilly your songs and poems are good, don't give a shit what people think about what you do or say"

I reply "Austin I don't care anymore after I showed Marc I knew that my writings where all bad"

Austin grabs my sholder, flips my hair back "Lilly what does he know about good music or good writing nothing, it's a great poems and songs, going through any more it's just seems disrespectful"

as he walks out my room I began to question about how I write my poems and my songs and how to take care of my stuff.

........it might happen......

I Heard my phone ring I got a text from Austin

Text,
Austin:"Lilly I'm having a bom fire tonight at my house wanna come" I text back
Text
lily:"um yeah, I'll try to make it tonight,"
Austin:"okay I'll see you tonight"
Lilly:"okay see you later"

......later that night........

I stopped by my brother Kevin house to go see danille. It's going to be along story but long story short I've gone through everything I've been through and she talked to me about self Harm and stuff I just love her.

I talked to Kevin about Marc and how Marc cheated on me and that Austin was there for me.

After I went to visit Kevin, I go to austins house.

When I get to Austin front steps of his house is start getting scared, Austin sees me he tried to grab me by my hand "Aus what are you doing"

he replies "I never noticed how short you are until now"

I mumble "I know leave my short-ness alone"

he replies "it's adorable and cute"

my cheeks turn red, I try to look away but Alan blows out "oh look someone has red cheeks"

I tackle Alan "Alan shut up nobody needs to know, thanks"

he looks at me suspicious "you have something to hide, or you have something to tell me" I look at him "okay I'll tell you later right now let me be"

As Austin and I walk, he takes me to another room where's it's quiet, he looks at me "lily your a great girl and adorable and I just love every moment that we spend together, let me ask you this"

he paused, he takes me to the couch and we sit there closer than ever before "lily how are you with that dick Marc"

I look at Austin "why, do you ask , but I don't know anymore, I just talked to him yesterday and just couldn't help but cry"

he puts my hair back "Lilly are you going to warped tour this year"

I thought to myself, I thought that he going to ask me out, but I thought wrong, "yeah I got the email, and the phone call to go so yeah I'm going my brother Joe" he replies "okay I'll see there"

Okay here's the begging to Repeating Apologies. If you liked it please vote for it. Thanks