In Spades

Chapter 3-Split personality

            

Abby had talked nonstop all week about the amazing new edition to her Kindergarten classroom. Mr. James, the music therapist that has been working with the class a couple of days a week. I'd heard about him a couple of times in the faculty lounge and all the female teachers had been in a tizzy about how good looking he was. I knew that I had to peek for myself, so I snuck over to

Abby's classroom during my lunch hour and glanced inside.

Mrs. Anderson saw me standing in the door and waved me inside. I caught sight of the firmest, tone back and thick dark hair that I had ever laid eyes on. He was holding a guitar and singing a soft lullaby to the kids who were now gathered around him on the floor, each with their own small tambourine to accompany him. I think he was singing a song about shapes and colors, but the way that his voice was entrancing me, I couldn't be so sure.

I was feeling extremely inappropriate now, as thoughts of making love to his vocal chords were gracing my mind with their presence. I couldn't resist, so I walked around the tiny group of children and sat right next to Abby, looking up at the man strumming effortlessly on the guitar. I gasped in shock and I'm sure my mouth fell to the floor as I looked up into the eyes of my beautiful stranger.

Daxton smiled at the kids and made sure to let them all know when it was time to shake their tambourines to the beat. He hadn't even noticed me yet; he was so intense and passionate about getting each one of these children involved in the song. I could see real love emanating from his presence and I couldn't even comprehend what a coincidence that this was. His cocky demeanor and dark, knowing eyes had evaporated from the last time I saw him and in its place, was a relieving light.

Daxton exuded confidence, but approachability. His once dark brown eyes almost held a gold shimmer tone, he looked so happy. I was in awe and barely noticed Abby's little hand latching onto my own. She looked up into my face and gave a crooked little smile. I looked down and wondered what she could possibly be up to. Her little hand shot straight up into the air taking mine with her.

"Scuseeee' me, Mr. James?" She called out, completely distracting the rest of the kids from the music that was being played.

Daxton finally looked in my direction and I was mortified. I knew my face was probably a nice shade of scarlet. All I could do was pray that he wouldn't remember me, how much had he had to drink that night? I couldn't even remember. Daxton stopped strumming the guitar and for a split second looked almost as mortified as me, but then that cocky sex appeal came oozing back, making me wonder if me noticing the lax was just a figment of my imagination.

"Yes, Abby, what can I do for you?" He asked, a hint of a smile creeping up into his eyes.

"I just wanted to show you what my Mommy looks like, now you can see I was not lying bout' her being pwetty, now can you be my daddy?" Her little voice responded with conviction.

Okay, if I wasn't completely embarrassed before,

I was now. I looked over at her and gave her my best we will talk when we get home young lady look. Her confidence never wavered, she just smiled innocently at me and my heart melted. It always did. She had me wrapped completely around her finger.

Daxton stuttered for a minute, at a complete loss for words. It was unlike the Daxton I had met the select couple of times at the bar and unlike the wild animal that ravaged me on his living room floor. I was just as speechless as he was, though. Luckily, Mrs. Anderson came to the rescue.

"Well, it's about lunchtime children, so let's all say goodbye to Mr. James and grab our lunches out of our bins." Thank the heavens, saved by the bell.

A sea of little bodies all rushed up and ran over to their bins attached to the wall, including Abby. I got up and brushed off my butt, not wanting to chance dust settling on my black pants and mortifying me even more. I exited the classroom with as much haste as I could muster.

"Wait!" I heard his deep voice call out to me and as much as I wanted to keep walking, my body willed me to stop and turn around.

"Y-Yes?" I stuttered.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" Daxton stated and at that moment I died a thousand deaths.

Daxton bellowed out a loud, warm laugh and said, "I'm just kidding, why'd you run out on me the other morning beautiful? I was going to cook you breakfast."

The look of complete dismay couldn't have been more evident on my face. I was caught.

"I normally don't do that kind of thing, and well uh...I don't know how much Abby has told you about her Mom...but uhm...I have a lot of responsibility and I owe that little girl my undivided attention. I don't know if I can take any distractions in my life...and uhm..." I was stumbling over words and was more than happy when Daxton cut me off.

"So, I'm just a distraction, eh? Well, I would welcome a distraction like what we shared anytime.

You didn't feel the chemistry like I did?" He almost looked like he resented blurting out that statement and I sat quietly pondering for a moment, giving him time to retract it if he deemed necessary, but to my surprise, he smiled and waited patiently for me to answer.

My mind was screaming to just cut my losses and let this man know right here and right now that I could not even welcome him into my life, he could break me and I knew it. Daxton was everything that

I had been trying to run away from. I didn't deserve to be happy. My only goal in life was Abby's happiness, not my own.

He was beautiful to say the least, passionate, charming, and funny with just a hint of cockiness that would approach the surface at opportune times. I knew Daxton would shred any semblance of decency I held, but for some reason, I just could not stay away.

"Well, yes. I felt it, from what I can remember. I don't mean to offend, but I was more than a little bit drunk... I don't regret the time we spent together, it's just not something I normally do and I am feeling a little bit ashamed about it. I love that Abby is so fond of you in her classroom, she talks about you constantly, but nothing can happen between us. Nothing more than a simple hello between acquaintances."

As the words left my mouth, I instantly regretted them. My confidence completely diminished. I wanted to take it all back, but I had to push forward.

It was for the best. I didn't need any more responsibilities.

Daxton didn't say another word. He quickly turned around and walked down the hallway with his head hung low like a lost puppy dog. I wanted to call out to him that I didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but I knew that this couldn't go any further, I felt guilty enough. A deep part of me still believed that I deserved to be punished and unloved. I would never, ever regret the responsibility that I took on with Abby, she was my everything and I knew that if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have made it as long in this world as I have, but a part of me still felt like I needed to only give my love to her, every ounce of it and there wasn't room for anyone else in my life.

I waited for him to turn the corner and out of my sight before walking down the hall and into my classroom. The rest of the day passed by me in a blur.

My thoughts all day were focused on the feeling of regret in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't possibly have feelings for someone I barely even know, but I wanted to get to know him. My heart and my head were on two different pages as of late, but I knew one thing for sure - it was going to be extremely hard to focus on the task at hand with my beautiful stranger just a few doors down. It was going to be a long school year.