The Misadventures Of Lexi

Lexi, The Peace Maker

(Lexi, The Peace Maker)



'When we live with the mindset that something may be permanently taken away from us, or that we have to be in control of something, we endure fear and vulnerability on a daily basis. We often believe that being vulnerable is a risk, but it in contrary when we build walls against the big, bad fears, we miss out on so much.'


I set the article aside as I found myself agreeing to the words written. It's exhausting to live like this. Especially when Fear brings his gang of friends Suspicion, Hatred, Skepticism and Hurt. In such cases it becomes hard for us to entrust our faith in anyone and our life seems to be limited and the past negative experiences resurface.


Conquering such fears may not be possible, but we can definitely face them from time to time. Just be careful, because no matter how much you scream and watch Courage fight your wars, Fear is busy playing Temple Run on his iPod, earplugs on and completely unharmed. That asshole.


 And that is exactly what I planned on doing. Face my fears, not plug my iPod on and play.


I stared down the driveway, not sure of myself. All of a sudden all my Courage was slaughtered to shreds and all I felt was pure Horror in its meanest version. I had started doubting my own idea of coming over here.


"Come on Pumpkin, let's go." I felt a tug at my hand. Blake was standing beside my seat. I got out of his Escalade and smoothed the non-existent creases away while nervousness kicked into me.


Just a few metre away stood the house I wouldn't have imagined myself to standing in front of, a simple week ago. My mother's house. She'd called a week ago, when Blake and I were packing to leave for Uni. Had said that she had some important news for me which couldn't be discussed over the phone and invited both Blake and I for lunch at her house.

I had straight-forwardly rejected her invitation. The previous humiliation was still etched in my mind and as much as I had missed my mom and was grateful for her help at the time of Blake's hospitalization, I couldn't forgive her for what she put Dad through.

So how did I get here? The answer was simple. My persuasive boyfriend got me into this. He said that I should let the bygones be bygones and start a new relation with my mother, especially when she was so set on 'right-ing' all her wrongs. And he also pointed out that if it weren't for her help, he probably wouldn't be beside me and I wouldn't have been able to lick his 'glorious' chest. And that this should be my way of paying for her kindness. His words, not mine.

I was all pumped up to meet Mom today. I had it all planned. Greet, meet, eat and leave. Simple and efficient. But standing in the driveway my epic freak out made its return. What if her 'teenager' boyfriend answered the door? Or worse, what if this meeting was set-up only for me to know that mom and the 'teenage' boyfriend were getting hitched? What if she tried to drive a wedge between Blake and I? I couldn't bear fighting with him, he is the love of my life! What if all of a sudden Blake realizes that I'm not the right girl for him and decides to leave me? I don't even have a ride home if that happens. (Turns out she wanted me to accompany her to her therapy classes, but that's not the point to be made here.)

A tight embrace silenced my thoughts. And I more than happy to welcome this distraction.

"My girlfriend's imagination is going wild again?" He kissed my forehead and I leaned into him. Although it scared me to see that Blake could pinpoint my moments of cracking a fuse, it warmed me in a fuzzy feeling to know that he knew me so well.


"Hatf tis rue?" I muffled into his shirt. We had discussed over these very topics before we arrived here. And at that time Blake had convinced me that everything would go fine and that I needed to stop worrying so much. And I did, for a while.

He laughed and said,"I'm afraid you'll have to repeat it."

As much as the water dam was ready to break, I couldn't afford a mascara run. Of one thing I was sure and that was Mom's particularity over appearance. It's funny how I didn't get that from her.

"What if it's true? What if all I said turned out to be true?" I never knew that I could be this melodramatic. The effects that this boy has on me, I rolled my eyes.

Blake didn't say anything as he tucked me under his chin and wrapped his arms around my waist. My aggressive sniffling resembled an anxiety struck dog.

"It's alright, okay? It's going to go fine Pumpkin. Trust me. You do, right?"

"I'm not quite sure of that." And I truthfully wasn't.

"Okay so how about this? We go inside and you try, instead of us standing in this butt-freezing cold. And if you don't feel comfortable we'll leave. Just give it a shot, Lexi. I'm here for you. Always."

This time I laughed. "Not the moment to awaken your inner Shakespeare, Blakey-Boy."

"I can say the same for your freak out, vous stupide femme."

And we laughed. And then he bent down, wholly pressing his lips onto mine. Somehow, the kiss managed to wash all of my fears, all the darkness, all ghosts of the past away. Right now, I kissed him lightly, just like we would whisper to each other at night after we were done with the hormone driven late-night activities, or just the times when he looked so irresistible that I couldn't stop myself. And yes, we kept the matter limited to PG-13, thank you for your concern.

The kiss was a promise, of him to me, that he is here, and that he is here for me. We stopped after one, which was unusual in itself, I still had my eyes closed and my arms circled around his neck. His fingers rubbed soothingly at the small of my back as he nipped at my earlobe and whispered into my ear,"Was that good enough to make you forget everything?"

I stepped away from his hold, remembering my current location, my hand sliding into his palm and I squeezed it tightly. "Possibly."

I really do hope Mom didn't see our 'affectionate exchange' or else I was doomed into another 'talk'.

We shared a smile and made our way up to the front door.

"I hope you haven't forgotten how to knock a door though."

~~~

RAISE YOUR HANDS IF YOU GOT MY FROZEN REFERENCE!

RAISE BOTH YOUR HANDS IF YOU THINK BLEXI CLICK JUST LIKE THE COUPLE IN THE SIDE PIC DO!

Umm, yeah.. I suppose that's it. Like-y or no like-y please do let me know. Have a great day and thank you for reading. Mwah! <3

Ps. La Vie En Rose by Cristin Milioti (The Mother from 'How I Met Your Mother') on the side. Please check the original version by Edith Piaf, you'll fall in love even if you can't understand the French language. There's also an english version to it so it shouldn't be much of a trouble, but please do give it an ear, or else you'll be missing out on something utterly beautiful.