"Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul."
— Imam al-Ghazali
∴∵∴∵∴∵∴
August 5th, 2017
Dear Diary,
Do I want attention because I'm an attention seeker.
Or do I want attention because I need it.
My anxiety is making me overthink that today.
It's usually something different everyday.
For instance, yesterday I overthought about whether or not my room window was locked.
And even though the windows are much too small for anyone to fit through, I almost worried myself to death about it.
Almost.
So at midnight I was getting up to lock a window to keep out burglars that had, by the way, had the ability to become burglars taken away by the minuscule size of my window.
That is what overthinking is.
That is what anxiety is.
And all the while you're suffering from it, you know what you're doing is completely ridiculous but you still do it.
Because that stupid voice is still talking.
Still speaking.
About the unlocked window or door or whatever else.
It's still speaking.
And my old therapist brought mine down to a whisper.
And decided that the progress was the best we could get and sent me on my way with the pills.
No one really expected the voice to come back, and louder this time.
But it's so easy to see whispers turn to shouts when they're being ignored.
Sincerely,
Megaphoned
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