Wait. (31.)

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I imagine death so much that it feels more like a memory.

I can't feel. Can't move. Only think. Instead, I'm trapped in the theatre of my mind, my own memories playing like a movie before me. Every smile, tear, laugh, and scream. Every moment I breathed, I watched it replay before me. I never thought I'd die. I was supposed to remain with the Richard Rodgers forever...

There is no beat. No melody.

Darien never spoke of what happens to the spirit should a theatre fall. He always told me never to worry, that it would never come to that point for me. He said he'd protect me from ever having to come to that point. It was better if I never knew. Even when I was a slave, he made sure I was back at my theatre in time.

If I throw away my shot, is this how you'll remember me?

They'll remember me, my name remains over the seventh dressing room on the left wing. It's my legacy. The caretaker and manager that made a difference, working all night to perfect preparations. Doing every and any job that needed to be done. I left notes and systems in place. They should know how to keep the cycle going. A year and I'm gone. The legend of the Lady of the House will live as well, my letters from the past will float on.

It's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.

Darien wanted me to find my happiness, to live on and marry Oak, to see my dream come true... I gave that up just so he could have a shot to feel what I've felt. My story's over. His is just beginning. It was my one chance to repay him for every day he's stood by my side. But... I'll never get to see him enjoy it. I'll never catch him and Thayne cuddling or help him with dates or maybe... a wedding.

You let me make a difference.

The whole cast took me in as a stranger. Though some were skeptical, they found a place for me. They let me work and grow however I could. They supported me in every step, even when I didn't deserve it. They paved the way for me to shine in my own way. Because of them, I stepped out of the shadows and into the light.

I'm running out of time and my time's up.

The longer I sit here, in this emptiness, the more I accept my decision. I couldn't let Daveed continue his rampage. I couldn't let Darien die. I couldn't let Oak and Lin watch me be tortured. If I'm what everyone is so worked up over, I had to remove myself from the equation. It was the only way.

Wise up.

Was I stupid for taking his place in death? He begged me to move on and live, but I couldn't stand to see him die, knowing his death would be the first of many if Daveed got his way.

Eyes up.

In this vacant theatre, I can still see Oak and Lin. Their smiling faces, the pride and adoration shining in their eyes. The promise of a bright future full of love. A sunrise wedding on the rooftop, the cast watching as Darien walks me down the aisle. Oak standing with pride, Lin just behind him. Ren, Pippa, and Jazzy waiting as my bridesmaids. The restless city singing its melody, my lullaby. I see what could have been. What I gave up.

Teach me how to say goodbye.

I reach out as the screen fades to black, my movie ending. I hope they don't let me stop them from happiness. I am only a blink of an eye in their lives. Not even a whole year spent by their sides. Oak deserves better. Someone he can love freely, anywhere he wants. Not confined to a building. I'm... satisfied.

My love, take your time.

Move on from me, Oak. Don't linger. Don't listen to the sounds of my cries in this solitary prison. Don't sit by while I waste away. You'll always be in my heart, as I will be in yours.

I'll see you on the other side.

My sun has set. I will wait until the day yours has too. We'll meet again, I pray.

Raise a glass to freedom...

Daveed, I'm aim my pistol at the sky. I give up. You win.

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*August 28th, 2016 - After the Matinee*

[Oak.]

My first show in what feels like forever. I did miss preforming. It feels like it's only way I can stop worrying about Eva for a while. I really wanted to do this show. It's been a year since Eva preformed on this stage for the first time, just a couple of weeks after joining the crew...

"Hello, my name is Lin Miranda," Lin starts his speech, as usual after curtain call, "Today's show was dedicated to a member of our team who we miss with our whole hearts. Eva, our stage manager has been in a coma at the nearby hospital. A year ago today, she filled in as our Peggy and Maria for the first time. A year ago this month, she joined our crew as a stage hand." He pauses, clearly struggling to keep his composure. Pip was right there for him, rubbing his shoulder with comfort. "We stood by her as she fought abuse, supported her through her hardest moments, loved her when she thought it was impossible. During today's intermission, I received a call from Eva's doctor and good friend ours." My head shot up, turning to him. He turned to me at the same moment. I freeze. I can see his lips moving, but the words barely register in my head before I take off running. I run as fast as I can to the hospital. It can't be true. I need to see her.

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09/04/17

I am absolutely in love with this chapter. I'm proud of this. Only a couple and maybe an epilogue left! 💙

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