change ↪︎ amyplier

①

february 2nd.

mark's p.o.v.

i walked home and set my bag by the dinner table, looking to see if my roommate was around. she wasn't. i sighed.

good, i could do some homework for once. i took off my baggy sweater and jogging pants, slipping into skinny jeans and a tight shirt.

usually, i liked to have baggy clothes on. but, this time, i wanted to wear something that hugged my body. maybe it'd make me feel better about myself.

i shrugged, leaving my hair the way it was. i walked back to the dinner table and sat down, getting started on my homework.

not even half an hour later, i heard some keys rumbling and a faint "hi". i quickly put my sweater back on, waiting for her to enter.

her beautiful pink hair was what caught my attention, and i looked at her. i knew she would ask me something, that's the only time she greets me.

"hey mark?"

i looked at her. "yes?"

"remember this picture?"

as soon as i saw the picture she was holding up, i got a headache. it started off a little bit, but it became worse and worse. i grabbed my head and held it tightly, feeling the memories rush back. i shook my head and whimpered, tears threatening to fall.

"mark? mark!" i breathed in through my nose and exhaled through my mouth multiple times, feeling the headache fade away. i wiped my wet cheeks and looked at her.

"that hurt."

amy chuckled, hugging me and ruffling my hair. "what did you remember?"

i pursed my lips. "we met during second grade, you pushed me into the muddy sand and then laughed about it with your friends. not very nice, amy."

amy smiled widely, "wouldn't have it any other way. now, if you'll excuse me, i gotta go hang out with seán."

i cringed at the sound of his name, nodding. "okay. please don't bring him back here again. i want to sleep peacefully."

"aw, come on! we're just having fun, live a little!"

amy shook her head, smirking at me frowning.

"see you at around twelve, sweetheart." she left, jacket in her hand. i sighed, getting back to my homework.

---

at around 7 pm i had finished all of the homework and projects i have within the next two weeks.

pure out of boredom.

i walked around the dorm room, cleaning up whatever i could. just to kill time. after i was done, i looked at the time again.

7:13 pm.

jesus christ. only thirteen minutes? i sighed, walking to my room. it was time to remove the bandage on my torso.

---

as i finished bandaging it all back up, i stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. that was a bad idea, because every time i used to do this, it'd be like summoning bad thoughts.

i glided my hand across my stomach, wincing a bit.

"look at you, so pathetic."

"you could've stopped it."

"you didn't deserve to stay alive."

"weak weak weak weak-"

i just let my thoughts wander, not even noticing i was crying until i saw myself in the mirror again. i sighed, sitting down on my bed. it is my fault. i could have stopped it.

but it's reality, this is how it is and i cannot take anything back, not now, not then, not ever. i gripped my head again, sobbing as i kept reliving the scene, over and over and over and over-

"stop it!" i banged my head on the wall that was beside my bed, wanting to stop this. why do i need to suffer so much from one tiny mistake?