The One That Got Away

Prologue | RIN

Prologue | RIN

Love, according to Merriam-Webster, is 'a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person'; a person you love in a romantic way; warm attachment, enthusiam, or devotion; a beloved person.

Its meaning is tied synonymously to: affection, attachment, devotedness, devotion, fondness, passion.

The antonym of: abomination, hate, hatred, loathing, abhorrence.

Just like the many things it was defined with, love is a word, tied to many emotions: happiness, lightheardtedness, pain, sorrow, hurt. A mix of ups and downs. An idea full with double meaning. A collection of feelings.

Or it could just simply mean the subject of your affection. A person.

The person you love.

In a lifetime how many people did you love? Besides your family, your friends or someone close, how often did you fall in love with someone? How many of them did you consider infatuation? How many of them were your long time crushes? How many of them did you seriously like?

Did you still remember who was your love at first sight? Did you still remember the best friend you had an unrequited love with? Or the neighboring kid you fancied? Or maybe the teacher you had a major crush on? How about the athlete that you watched every other game? Or the pretty boy that passed by you that kept your head turning in the hallway? Or what about the golden boy of the school that you secretly watched from the side?

Do you still remember your first love?

Your first love. The first person that created a very huge impact in your life. The biggest influence you could have had. The person you first fell in love with. The first one who took most of your impactful firsts. The one who unknowingly taught you a lot of things, including falling apart.

The first one to cause you the biggest heartbreak.

The person who took away along with him a part of you.

Do you still remember him?

Who was that person that caused you to experience the first pain, that made you realize love wasn't that great, that falling in love was a beautiful and ugly disaster, that a fairytale was highly unlikely in reality?

Who was he? That first person who you thought took away everything from you.

I still remember who was mine, the first person to get through to me. My first true love. The one person that until now managed to squeeze himself in my thoughts through my busy schedule. The one that I loved first but never really worked out, but kept too much of my hopes up for. The one person I stayed up late at night for at three in the morning. Who I never got tired of waiting for. Who I gave up everything for. Who I gave my all to.

But the one who first got away.

He was the person who taught me all I needed to know about love. The one that I always sometimes missed, especially when I had nothing to think about or nothing to do. And the one that until now I still look back to whenever I try to love again.

Sometimes, before I slept, while I had my eyes closed, I saw him at the back of my lids—I saw him in the dark, in every corner, in the loneliness, in the silence, or in my dreams—and I always wondered how he was.

How was the boy I first fell in love with? Where could he be now? And sometimes I thought of the possibility of us meeting again in the streets. Would he still recognize me? Would I still recognize him? Would he still look as handsome as I had pictured him eight years ago before we parted ways? Or maybe we would pass by each other without really seeing the other just like in those sad love movies, and I'd forever remain wondering about him. The boy I really tried so hard to forget, but never got to.

If I were to see him now, I wonder if he will still make my heart skip a beat. Could he still make me act so shy? Could he still make me blush? Make me run for the hills with one glimpse? There were only so much I could wonder about this boy.

Because he was who he was to me.

The one who got away.