Tales Of Me

Happy

Happy, that's what I am. Its like a cloudy haze has been lifted and now my head feels so clear. I don't have anyone to answer to, no one to think about before I do something. I can do it for my self. I don't have to care if what I do hurts you, god it feels so good. I have changed. I think I was changing, you just cemented that fact.

With you I think I would still be the emotionally unstable girl. Yes, you helped me but I didn't the real changing. Now that I'm free of you I'm free to be me. From you're lies. I think about you, I have fond memories but they no longer bring tears to my eyes.

I am no longer in pain over you, occasionally I get that pang in my chest but its nothing. I've taken things into my own hands and made myself Happy. School is going really good, I got a scholarship. My maths results were stellar. I got top of the class. A+ all the way. I never needed you like I thought I did. We just tied each other down.

Its like we forced it. Wanted to rebel against what everyone said. It was good while it lasted. You made me Happy, but not the kind of happiness that I can only give myself. Self happiness is the best thing you can ever experience. Knowing you're the one to make it happen, to make yourself whole again that's what everyone should live for.

I don't need a guy, doesn't mean things won't happen. You know your best friend? Well you're old one? Well I was the girl that liked him. I always Have, but come on. Its him.

He's a dork and he's totally oblivious. That's what I love about him, his bad jokes, his laugh smile, intelligence, even the dorky way he brushes his hair out of his face. When he sings terribly in funny voices just to make me laugh. The way we smile at each other. How we talk, meaningless but he's smarter than you'll ever be.

I know things with him won't go anywhere but he's a part of the reason why I'm so happy. I've made myself happy, without you. Everything is  perfect, I now know you were the one stopping me from this happiness.

I'm as Happy as can be, I've actually really been enjoying my life. I'm free to be. I have never really cared what people have thought about me, I'm strong and independent. I have my fair share of problems and being overcome with  so much time On my hands. However my happiness with life right now is through the roof. I want to share that with everyone.

I feel so free to be able to be me. My smile hasn't wavered all day. I'm beaming. I've been more happy these past couple if days than the the while year I was with you Deck.

I was once a love sick little girl, now I'm even stronger with my new found happiness.

And I think you're so called best friend has always been the better person.  As I said I was that girl and I always have been and I guess a little part of me will always like Jamie. He's always captivated me, and the fact that I can't have him just draws me in more.