Shadow In The Dark (Marilyn Manson)

But doesn't it make you feel better?

The guy I fell in love with? His name was Jacob. He had dreamy brown eyes, that were full. And extremely dirty blonde hair. He was a little bit bigger than me. With his charming smile on his face 24/7. He always told me, that he would never leave. Which those promises, scare the heck out of me. The funny fact is, I was so dazed. Brain was playing tricks on me. I never thought about my other relationships. How they always ended. Always just, died. Any type of relationship. Friends, family, and just all of the above. They always, simply vanished. Gone, like that. Forgotton.

At this hot sticky moment. I felt like I was in a daze. Not because he made me happy in any way shape or form. But because of the stars. They kinda overwhelmed my eyes, as I looked backward. I have serious attention dissorder problems! Maybe thats why I never got out of high school? The window was open and that's mainly where my eyes wanted to go. Had enough of watching him. 

Keth moaned, extremely loud. Interruping my thoughts, wasn't even paying attention of what he was doing with my body. My body right now, needs serious disinfecting. Anything could make it better. He thrusted harder, making me clench onto the head board. I looked away from Keth and at the wall. The plain blank wall, with Keth's shadow. On top of a girl, that used to be something, and never will be.

He was drenched in sweat, then there was me. Mainly his sweat soaked over my body. But I wasn't tired like he was. He seemed like he was having a good time. . . I messed up his hair a little bit, as he hopped off of me. Walking to the bathroom, and washing his face. I tilted my head slightly off the ledge of the bed. Sighing in disbelief, "You did great sweetie." I smiled at my joke, he looked back smirking. His strangely looking fake hair swayed in his face. He tried to give me a smolder, but I just looked away before giving him anything else. 

I miss my old room. Sure it was really crappy, and old. But I always loved how, peaceful it was. It was just a simple rectangle, with one corner filled, a closet sat there. And my bed was pretty small, but it was also pretty comfy in my opinion. Doesn't take much to please me nowadays. A warm place. A nice, okay, place that I can be alone in. No bullshit, no mom. Just a simple place? 

My old room, was plain, calm area that I could call mine. The only thing standing in it's way, was that it shared the same house as my mom. Hardly anything peaceful about her. Nothing could please, yet alone comfort her. I tried a million times, just to get on her good side. She drank a lot of wine. Didn't care much about beer, and smoking? She'd smoke whatever she could get her hands on. I love the smell of smoke, but enough to fill a whole house and clutter in your stomach. Sink down in your throat when your not even the one with the cigarrete. I sometimes smoked, tried my hardest to never go overboard. Like she did. . .

Keth sat on the corner of the bed, "What are you thinking about?" His monotone voice almost put me to tears. He didn't seem like he cared at all. 

I shrugged, "Nothing." It was an, always nothing answer. If I said everything, then they'd ask. What, then? Then you'd have to explain things, you might not even really want to speak out loud? My mind is a nice place for me. My own voice can be heard. Only by me. It's so strange thinking, what if you could listen to other peoples thoughts? Would they be dull and boring? Or dark and strange? I don't know who would want to hear my thoughts. . . only the bored wanting to waist their time.

We both hardly said any words to each other. It was one of those awkward people situations. Some are so chatty, they could scrape your ear drums clean off. But the quiet people. I don't mind. Them and their own thoughts. Or just simple talk, that I might never even remember. 

The sun peeked through the window. Leaving an orange shadow on the floor. It was warm in the room, and I scanned it with my eyes. What seems like the twentieth time I'v done this. The carpet was a strange, color of beige. This motel is strangely clean. I can see the vacuum marks. Then footsteps that lead to the bed and bathroom.