The thing about falling is... you don't even mean to. You start to feel a change. It could be in character or personality. Maybe that annoying habit you have had since you were little is now seen as cute. At this point you can feel eyes on you. Not those eyes that give judgement, ones that are just observing. Perhaps they are trying to remember how when you smile only one dimple appears. Or the way your eyes shine when happiness is actually there and not faked. falling can be like jumping off the edge, within seconds it's over. It can also be like falling asleep after hearing bad news. Time than feels crushing and endless. So you breathe, trying to make sense of it all. You have been hit unexpectedly, falling. Will it hurt to land is something that you think about. How does this happen? One moment there, the next completely lost. It all starts with the eyes. They dare to take the first glance. After that glance the mind takes over with questions. Feasting on the unknown. Craving for it to become the known. Simple things like what is their favourite color or food. Which season they love and why. Do they love the fall because of the leaves falling as they do. Or summer for those long hot lazy days. Or the winter where every surface is crystal to the sun. Glinting and glimmering away. Maybe they love the spring because the rain washes the bad days to far off place. Whatever it is you have to know. You need the answer more than oxygen. Before it was just two people existing. Living to survive it all. Survival used to be opening your eyes. Forcing yourself off the mattress after breaking down at 2a.m. All because you have to get up and pretend everything is okay. Now though surviving is waiting a couple hours, days, minutes to see that person. To hear their laugh. To be near and just feel the atmosphere of it all. How dependent of you, you rely on them. It is an addiction. You are a junkie without even trying to be. Their look your drug, waiting the needle. Track marks line your arm.
