He was the light to my night. He was the most beautiful, amazing and overall the best human I've ever or so I thought. The first few months of being together were incredible. We went on adventures, he took me to see places I've never been to before.
I knew things were changing between us. He was less gentle and more aggressive. He'd push me around and laugh when I'd get hurt and tears would brim my eyes but I'd refuse to let them fall. I didn't want him to see me weak.
I don't know why I stayed with him for so long. Maybe it was because I loved him despite his abusive behavior? Maybe it was because after he came around he'd be back to the same man that I had fallen in love with 3 years ago? Or maybe it was because I was afraid of what he would do if I left? I don't know what it was but I staid. I staid at his side even when I knew things were going south between us. I stayed with him even when I knew he was cheating on me with countless other girls. I was stupid. I knew but I still held on to hope that he would change, to back to the same gentle, caring and loving man he was but it never happened.
The final straw that broke me was when he forced himself on me. He had come home drunk of his ass and demanded to have sex but I was sore from the mornings' beatings and I refused him. It was a big mistake.
He punched, kicked and even with me pleading him to stop he still abused my already battered body and raped me. The man that I thought I loved was gone and was replaced with this monster. A monster that had no feelings and could care less about me and what I felt. I left him the following morning when he was at work and called the police. They arrested him at work and as the days, weeks and months leading to his sentencing, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe again. I could smile again. I wasn't fully myself but I was getting there. I was son longer afraid of being touched. I wasn't afraid to face him again.
I endured 3 years of abuse from the man that I had wanted to spend my life with and looking back at it now I usher that I had listened to my loved ones. Listens rot their worries. They knew something was wrong even before I did. I was blinded by the love I and for him that I pushed the only people who ever stood by me away.
If you ever feel like you're alone, you're not. You have family, friends, and strangers waiting to get a call from you. Don't hide the pain you're feeling. Don't pretend that you're okay when you're not. Don't push away the people who love you and want the best for you. I learned my lesson, even if it was 3 years late. You're not alone and will never be alone.
You should never feel afraid to be with your partner. You should never have to hide in a separate room to get away from them. You should always feel the same to be with them. To be in the same room as them. To be able to be yourself with them.
Abuse is not loved. Abuse is a pain. Abuse is fear. Abuse is tears. Abuse is hiding your bruises from loved ones. Abuse is pushing away your loved ones.
Seek help if you ever feel like you're trapped in an abusive relationship. People are always there to land a helping hand and guidance.
I was living a lie for 3 years and today, at the age of 24, I can finally say that I'm living a life filled with hope, love, happiness and carefree.
