Tuesday nights had always been a getaway for you. For some reason, this boring old second day of the week had somehow come to see your first kiss, your first time together completely, your wedding, and just endless nights snuggled on the couch with Devin, watching movies you’d seen hundreds of times.
Now here you were, exactly where you had been 7 days before and 7 days before that, sitting between his legs with his arms wrapped around your waist. His chin was resting on your shoulder as you lazily stirred a steaming cup of tea.
Your life had finally begun to resemble something close to normalcy. It had been nearly three months since that pivotal day. Three months since your future had been flipped upside down as a little life was taken away. Three months since you’d lost your little baby.
The first few weeks had been unbearable. Your every thought revolved around the pain. You could barely climb out of bed in the morning let alone go to work. It didn’t make your heart ache any less seeing Dev struggled alongside you.
The torment had dulled as weeks passed on, and although the thought of that baby rarely left your mind, you found the days easier to tackle. Conversations weren’t so serious and the thought of your future no longer made you sick to your stomach. You were moving on, if slowly.
“Y/N?” Dev’s arms tightened around your abdomen just barely as his scruff tickled your neck.
“Mmm?” you yawned, relaxing into his chest.
“I know you miss him,” his voice was soft.
“Him?”
“I don’t know,” he sighed, “I mean, I think it was a boy.”
“Me too,” you nodded, feeling a weight grow in your stomach as your hand instinctively fell to the place where there had once been a very small baby bump.
“Anyway,” he shook his head lightly, “I–I know that you miss him. And I do, too…”
You turned your head, looking to the side where his head rested on your shoulder, “But?”
He exhaled, turning so his nose was pressed to your cheek, “But, I just want you to know…I just, I’m ready.”
His words sank slowly beneath your skin as you tried to comprehend what he was saying, “Ready to…”
He brought his hand up, rubbing his face, “I’m not saying we have to now–or ever. I mean, I want to have a family. I want to have a family with you, and I know this is soon but we can’t let this determine our future and–”
“Dev, you’re rambling,” you moved your hand up to rest on his cheek, as you tilted your head, burying it in his neck this time, “I love you very much and I want nothing more than to have a family. With you.”
“I love you, too.”
“But it’s just too soon,” your throat tightened against the tears fighting their way to the surface, “I just–I can’t do this again. I can’t dive into it and fall in love with this little life and think about a future if it’s just going to be taken away,” you shook your head, “Not yet.”
“I know it’s soon,” he tightened his hold around you once more, and planted a kiss to your temple, “And I don’t want you to do this if you’re not ready. Don’t think for one second that I’m pressuring you for this. I just want you to know that when you want to, I will be right by your side.”
You nodded, stirring your tea once again before letting your hand fall to your lap, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he did not delay tangling his fingers with yours.
“I’m glad that I chose someone like you to love.”
You could feel his smile as he whispered softly, “Me too.”
