Neon Black

12: A tarnished mirror begins to crack

A/N - For some added atmosphere please listen to the song above while you read :)

***

The sound of my sister's voice calling out through the phone brings my attention back, pulling me away from thoughts of blood - but the illusion of peace in the room has been shattered, leaving my heart open and raw, beating out the violent and unrelenting rhythm of fear.

I reach down, fumbling for my phone - Chelle's words becoming clear as I put it back to my ear.

" – Ever seriously this isn't funny! Talk to me I'm worried."

"Chelle... I ... I think somethings wrong." The warmth of the room once a comforting embrace now so stifling and hot I can barely breathe.

"Have you been drinking? Have you taken something?" She says, the pitch of her voice raising in concern. The red lit walls of my room moving closer, boxing me in.

"No. No. I don't think so. I mean ... I'm just confused and –"

"It's because of that man isn't it? I should have known something was wrong, the way you were acting like nothing happened –"

"I was?"

" – and the police and been no help at all. I knew you weren't okay. I really think –" her voice becomes distant as she turns away from the phone and I hear Genesis crying in the background, "- stay with us you know. You shouldn't be in that –"

"I'm sorry. I'm okay."

"—place on your own."

"Chelle! I'm okay I swear." I have to get control of myself, she can't just drop everything and rescue me. She has a baby to look after and that has to come first. "It's okay. I'm okay. My heads clearing up now. I think ... I just had a bad dream and got confused for a moment."

"I don't know Ev. Something doesn't feel right."

"I just need to wake up. You sort out Genesis and I'll shower or something then come over."

"Um ... Yeah. Okay. But I still want to talk about this –"

The sound of crying becomes louder as I hear her pick up Genesis.

"Yeah sure we can. When I get there." I say in a rush.

"Okay but –"

"Love you byeee."

"Love you by –"

Her voice cuts out as I end the call. I feel bad for hanging up so fast but I could feel the panic rising from my stomach. My head is pounding and throbbing as if I'm about to get a migraine. I feel dizzy as I stand up, everything in my room looking as it should but at the same time feeling wrong. Like my eyes are seeing one thing but my mind another. The room twisting and morphing, closing around me, trapping me forever. I force myself up and stumble to the kitchen, catching my shoulder on the door frame as I leave.

It's cooler in the lounge, still warm but not the stifling humidity of my room. I head straight to the kitchen and turn on the tap, cupping my hands together and splashing my face before tilting my head and putting my mouth right into the stream of water. I sip and cough as I drink water mixed with air in the rush to quench my thirst. But I don't care because the coolness of the water is utter relief, I realise the throbbing in my head is probably as much from stress as dehydration. How long has it been since I last drank?

I leave the tap running as I turn and grab a glass out of the cupboard, catching myself on the counter as I nearly fall. My mind skips from thought to thought as the glass fills up. And as I turn the tap off again and close my eyes while sipping the water, the glass cool and smooth against my lips – I let the silence in the room surround me as I try still my shaking hands.

Be calm Ever, I repeat to myself. You're at home, and you're safe and you can figure this out. But I can't even believe my own thoughts. I'm not calm. All I want is someone to be here, to help me, to tell me what's happening and that I'll be okay.

"Lenore!?" I call out into the room. "Are you home?"

But there's no response. She must be out.

But when I think those words I start to feel anxious, like there's something I need to remember. Like maybe she isn't out, but gone. Gone somewhere I can't follow. A wave of dizziness sweeps over me and I go to put the glass down on the counter. But where my hand should have stopped when I felt the hardness of the table my momentum keeps going, my hand crushing the glass into the counter as shards fly everywhere, tinkling and chiming as they scatter across the tiled floor.

The glass crunches under my hand as I slowly lift it up, the sharp pain spreading out across my palm telling me I've been cut. I look at my hand and see fine grains of red beading across my hand and three big chucks of glass sticking out.

I wince in pain as I shift over the sink, carefully pinching the shards and pulling them out. Each chunk making a hollow metallic clink as it drops into the basin along with my blood, like watery red paint splattered across a silver canvas. I turn the tap back on, angry at myself for being so stupid. And clench my jaw as I put my hand under the water washing it clean, wincing at the stinging pain that spreads across the cuts, relieved at the feeling of the cold water.

I turn the tap off and gab some paper towel, wrapping it around my hand - all fogginess in my brain now gone as the pain clears my head. I step lightly across the floor careful to avoid the broken glass as I move toward the cupboard over the fridge where we keep some bandages.

But as I reach for the cupboard I see a message, scrawled across the whiteboard on the door of our fridge.

Don't miss me too much babes. See you after summer.

OMG we did it bitch! Sem 1 smashed! Proud of us x

Love u xxxx

- L

I slide down the wall next to the fridge, coming to rest on the floor as my mind tries to process everything that's happened.

Chelle out of the hospital for a month.

Lenore already gone home for the summer.

And as my hand continues to throb while blood seeps through the paper towel, turning the white to red - my fractured mind struggles to keep up. All I can think is.

Where have I been? And how long was I gone?

***

OH. MY. GOSH.

Finding music for this was so hard. I honestly think it took twice as long as writing it.

But poor old Ever - A month in that place! But I do wonder, is Lenore really on holiday?  Will this ceaseless angst ever end?? 

All in good time my pretties ;)

Heath :)