Sexfriends

Chapter 10

A chilly breeze blows their hair when their eyes meet. They're only a few meters away but it feels like the distance between them keeps growing with each second passing. They stay like this for a little while that seems like eternity. Voices start rising from below, as students are coming out from the building. Kaoru doesn't mind. It'd be way too awkward if there was a silence, actually.

"Yeah, sure." He replies in a calm tone, closing the door behind him.

It's the first time he sees such sadness on Rei's face and it's disconcerting. It feels like no matter what the latter does, Kaoru just can't leave him. Right now, he looks like a lost puppy, desperate for help. The blonde always manages to avoid such problems but there's no way out, this time. He sees himself as someone who doesn't want to be involved with other people's issues but he ends up helping them anyway. This is how he is.

Rei smiles slightly, tapping the place next to him as a silent invitation for the blonde to sit down. Kaoru takes care to keep a little distance between them. He still holds a grudge against him, after all. He's a nice guy and accepted to hear him only out of good will but, to be quite honest, he expects nothing. He feels good as he is now, he successfully graduated and Kanata surely is the person he needs in his life. His relationship with his classmates has become great as well and everything finally starts coming together. He doesn't need anything more...or that's what he wants to believe.

"I'm sorry." Rei breaks the silence.

Kaoru doesn't reply. He avoids his gaze and keeps himself busy by staring at his feet.

"I'm deeply sorry for all the things I did and said to you. For hurting you like I did, I'm sorry."

He pauses for a whole minute. He doesn't know if he should continue...Maybe it's pointless, but maybe it is finally his chance to explain himself to someone who would listen. He doesn't particularly seek forgiveness, he just wants to be listened and understood. He knows that what he did is unforgivable, anyway. Yet, a small part of him still holds onto a slight hope.

"To be quite honest...I'm scared. I'm scared of losing someone I care so much about. It's been like this ever since I was a child...People living me with no apparent reason. Even though I've always accepted it, I'm not sure I've ever quite understood it. Well, in Ritsu's case, I reckon I do...Still, it's heartbreaking because I feels like I've lost him forever and he's never coming back..."

"Again with his little brother." Kaoru thinks, internally rolling his eyes.

"...and this is why I don't want to lose you either."

Kaoru's eyes widen. "Wait, what." He slightly turns toward the older boy, in disbelief. He's not sure if he's heard it well. This is the first time someone tells him that he's wanted. It actually makes him very embarrassed and he has no idea of a proper reply. He didn't expect anything, yet this goes beyond everything he could think of. He slightly opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

"I have come to cherish every moment we have shared together. It didn't seem like so, but please believe me." He laughs at himself. "I've realized that I care about you so much that I started being scared of losing you...as well as being jealous and angry about such meaningless things. These are some new strange feelings that I don't know how to handle properly and I ended up hurting you instead. Kaoru-kun, I never meant to do that. I'm really sorry."

Kaoru still doesn't utter a word.

"However, I understand if you don't accept my apologies. I just needed you to hear them, at least. I truly am thankful for that. You're very kind, after all, and Kanata is lucky to have you. He'll take care and cherish you the way you deserve." Rei smiles sadly, before standing up.