Bhagya-Sree

19

"Here" Bhagya handed Sreenadh a cup of ice cream and turned to walk away. Sreenadh held her wrist and stopped her. 

"Where is your's" he asked signalling at the bowl of ice cream placed in his hand.

"I don't want it" Bhagya stated, still gloomy faced and trying to wiggle her hand free from his.

Sreenadh did not let go "You don't want to watch the movie?"

"No" 

"Why?" Sreenadh frowned. Bhagya tried to wiggle her hand once more. When Sreenadh did not let go she let her hand slacken and sighed. She had not spoken to Sreenadh properly since the last couple of weeks, more like since she came back from Bangalore. She was behaving weirdly. Some days she would not talk at all and at times she was all fine. It was as if she could not decide what and how she wanted to behave. 

"Sreenadh let me go" she asked gently.

"I won't" Sreenadh insisted "What is wrong with you? You are behaving oddly since you came back." He pulled her down to sit beside him "What happened Bhagya? Did I say or do something that hurt you?" Much as he racked his brain Sreenadh could not think of anything that he either did or said that could have changed Bhagya's attitude towards him. 

Bhagya could not see Sreenadh in the eye. She bent her head and spoke "No. No. It has nothing to do with you."

"Then?" Sreenadh persisted.

Bhagya shook her head. What was she going to tell. Knowing that he did not believe in love how could she tell him that she was having a difficult time staying with him under the same roof and keeping her feelings to herself. She thought she could handle it and not let it bother her. But every time she saw him and was in the house with him she felt like a lost cause and she hated feeling like that. She had to move on with her life and coming to that decision had been very painful. She wanted to tell him so but every time she came face to face with him she could not do it. "Nothing" she said.

"There is something. You never had any problem telling me anything. What changed now?" he asked, becoming a little miffed at Bhagya's reluctance to speak out. 

Bhagya sighed. Fine. He wants to know. So she will tell him "I want divorce Sreenadh." There. She said it. 

"What?!" That was definitely not what Sreenadh was expecting to hear. The word did not register with him "Divorce?" he repeated. Bhagya nodded, still not looking at him. Thoughts blanked out of his mind "Why?" he asked. 

Bhagya found it difficult to get the words out of her mouth "My company wants me to go to their California office for a year" she blurted 

"So? Why do you need a divorce for that?" Sreenadh ran his hand through his hair and looked away from her. Everything was going fine. What Bhagya was asking for did not make any sense at this time.  He could not think of any reason why she would .....unless  "This is all about that..that ..finding passion thing..is it?"

"Please Sreenadh" Bhagya pleaded "Don't talk like that"   

Sreenadh stood up and moved away from her. Anger was building up inside him and he did not like or want that to happen "Then what?!" He snapped. Why was she asking for it? Did she...? "Do you love somebody?" he asked, keeping a rein on his emotions. God only knew what he would do if she said 'yes' to that. He would have to let her go. He will not hold onto her if she loved somebody else. He was not going to do that again. He learn't his lesson with Poorna and will not repeat the same mistake again. When she did not reply, he faced her and asked again "Do you?"

Bhagya swallowed hard. She  was finding it difficult to keep the tears from rolling down. She blinked repeatedly. Did she love somebody? Yes. She did. But how could she tell Sreenadh that it was him. He did not believe in love. He said it himself. Then how could she tell him that she loved him. They got married on the terms that they would be husband and wife only on paper. Then, how could she ask him for more. She knew that Sreenadh liked her. But how? What did he feel for her? She did not want to put him in a uncomfortable position. "Does it matter?" she asked him.

Sreenadh clenched his jaw "No." he answered. It became suffocating in the room. "It should not matter." he said "We both got what we wanted from this marriage. I..just did not think.." he cleared his throat "It..It won't happen in a couple of weeks." he said. "We will have to wait till we complete a year.." He wanted to leave the room "Only a couple of months." He looked at Bhagya. She was looking away from him. His heart felt very heavy. How did he let this happen to him? Again. He hated himself! "Would you be able to wait?" he asked.

Bhagya nodded. Unable to stop the tears from flowing out she quickly walked into her room and closed the door shut. Sreenadh could not stay there another minute. He grabbed his car keys and walked out of the house. 

He went directly to the police officers' club and swam his heart out in the pool. Try as he may though Bhagya kept creeping into his thoughts. With every lap in the water he recapped his journey with Bhagya so far. So satisfied he was with his life, till today, that he did not once think about how it would end between them. Since his trip to Bangalore , Sreenadh knew things would be different between them. But this..this was not it.  Seeing his red rimmed eyes in the mirror, after the swim, Sreenadh tried to be angry with himself. But no matter how hard he tried he could not hold onto his anger. he only felt a deep sense of regret. A regret for not telling her how he felt about her. And now it was too late. 

He returned home to a sleeping Bhagya. He stood at the door looking at her sleeping figure. God! he would miss her. He went to his room and tried to keep the thoughts away and fall asleep. Which happened much later. Out of sheer mental exhaustion. 

The next morning, Bhagya woke up earlier than usual, just so that she would not have to face Sreenadh. But he was already up, ready and sitting at the table having his tea.

"You are leaving already?" Bhagya asked.

"In some time" Sreenadh replied, looking at the news paper. He did not even glance at her.

"Give me a minute I will make some breakfast"

"No need. I'll eat in the canteen"

"Sreenadh..."

"Yes Bhagya. What do you want now?" he asked, sipping tea from his cup.

"Nothing!" Bhagya answered, changing her mind. Why was he behaving like that? Everything can't be his way, right? He does not believe in love. He does not want to take the relationship any further. Yes, It is not his fault that she developed feelings for him but she was not going to sit and cry about it for the rest of her life. She decided to move on and she will. If he wants to sulk about it, then fine. Sulk. She turned around and walked into her room. 

Sreenadh crumpled the newspaper in his hand. What was wrong with him? He thought he could handle this. Pushing aside the fact about how it hurt him that she was leaving Sreenadh had decided to handle this situation in a mature and decent manner. Bhagya deserved a good life and if she found somebody to share it with, then he would be happy for her. He got off his chair and followed Bhagya into her room. Bhagya sat down on her bed and stared at her feet. Sreenadh sat down beside her  "Bhagya..." he reached for her arm and stopped short of holding it. Hesitating to touch her, he dropped his arm by his side "I..I am sorry. This..this is just so sudden and..and unexpected. I don't know how...." he breathed in deep "Just give me sometime. ok?"

Bhagya looked at Sreenadh. A strong urge to hold him and tell him what she felt, gripped her heart. But what she thought did not flow out of her lips "I won't trouble you much Sreenadh. I am leaving in three weeks."

"Three weeks?!" Sreenadh frowned. This was getting sadder by the moment! "Why so fast?"

"The company decided that."

"Hmm."  With nothing more to say Sreenadh stood up to leave.

"Sreenadh?"

"What?" he did not turn around to look at her

Bhagya came up behind him "Will you tell aunty about it?" she asked, referring to Devi. Bhagya had not yet told her mother and Bhuvana about her decision. She knew she could handle them but her mother-in-law? No. That would be very difficult for her to do.

Sreenadh was in no mood to oblige her "No." he refused flatly "You want the divorce. You tell her." saying so he walked out of her room and the house.