Unlikely Lovers

35%

August 10th. I'm back again. It isn't as bad as the last time. My father isn't here. That means no fighting between this already broken family. I don't trust Andrew, and I don't think I will again. I haven't talked to any of my sisters since our plane landed back in Omaha. I decided to leave everyone alone and focus on more of my studies. I went to med school, and didn't continue anything yet. I don't want to be a surgeon, well because that takes too long. I needed to expand in a topic, and my mother persuaded to be a gynecologist; science of women. Do I need to go into detail? I'll see tons of vaginas. It's suppose to be a tribute to my grandma, since she had uterus cancer after she had my mother.

Right now, I only need to go back to med school for a semester and take the big test. Finally I need to get certified. Maybe I can shove it down into my family's face that I'm a doctor. I am, kinda, I'm almost there. Plus, wouldn't it be easy for me to get a job? Gay man, gynecologist, will look at a vagina without being a pervert. I think it would be easy.

Now, I'm taking a break from my studies to attend my brother's wedding. Which only has about 50 people invited. Cousins, siblings, mom, and his biological side. Many of Justin's family came, but Andrew still has less. Andrew talked to us about inviting his "native" family here--which is a lot. He bragged about how he has 13 other siblings. What if they're just like Andrew? Flamboyant and very loud? He refused to invite any of our aunts and uncles, and tons of cousins. Hell, he invited a 3rd cousin to the wedding but not a 1st one.

I don't know what to say to Justin. I don't want him to be trapped with Andrew. He always seems so worried during phone calls, and it makes me paranoid. I've been wanting to tell him my fears, but my messages seem to never go through. I can't bring myself to type it, and I can't even try to write a draft of it either. It stresses me out too much, and it's almost impossible to say--or write out feelings. Feelings are always hard to express, but for me it's almost impossible.

I plan on trying to tell Justin, hopefully he'll get the message. He knows that Andrew's trying to distract me with other men, my age. That's not going to happen, they don't like me and I don't like them. I still haven't gotten a gay kiss yet. How am I suppose to tell Justin to leave Andrew, when I haven't even kissed him yet? I'm inexperienced with this whole gay thing. Basically I know gay by watching gay porn. Is that enough for a whole relationship? How can I be gayer than I already am? Is that a thing? Lord I don't know! Of course, there's always my openly-gay-brother-since-1996-who's-in-love-with-my-lover. Can I really do that? I feel bad since I'm doing whatever I'm doing with Justin behind his back. I'm definitely going to hell for that.

This is my time to stop Justin from jumping into something horrible. I need to save him, and I'll do it. Andrew's wrath is nothing right now. All I want is Justin to be safe, my brother is unstable. It just doesn't mix right with a 23 year old--who goes clubbing every night. What can I do for Andrew though? He'll be hurt, I assume. He's got a rebound, that Mike dude. I met him back in 2009, when Andrew and him started to see each other. They weren't together for long though, Justin came in. During that time, they seemed like a good couple. I never saw them arguing, they talked to each other, but no affection whenever I was there. Every once in a while, they would hold hands. They were a "oh, yeah we're together. no big deal." couple.

Throughout the years, Andrew became all about Justin. The thing about him and Mike was that they still talked to each other. I guess they broke up in a friendly matter, but I never got the full story. What I know is, Justin hookup-friendly breakup-friends. Andrew got back with him when he dumped Justin. They weren't serious, they stepping out with each other and hanging out with friends. Andrew's got a rebound to run to if I manage to split them apart. I'm not doing any of this to be a homewrecker, I'm doing it for Justin. Maybe even try to be with him.