Immortality is Mortal [Popee the Performer]

The Voices in my head (CH3)

¡TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!

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'Are you ever even coming back?'

Popee smacked the side of his head with frustration, as if hoping that the voice would fall right out of his ear. Almost routinely, he'd hear soft noises of people talking in his head, before a voice, seemingly closer would mutter something that he doesn't quite understand.0

It didn't come into his head out of the blue—in fact, it gradually developed into more of a general nuisance.

Actually, he can't really simply call it a nuisance; it's really just getting to him. It doesn't just anger him, it upsets him. In the past few days, he starts to go back to his old snappy attitude to Kedamono, and that's not really what he needs to get closer to his friend.

He's told Kedamono about it; because honestly, it's already far too obvious that something is really pissing him off. Keda is very patient with him; he's really got a lot of good qualities. It sparks a fire within Popee, but it isn't guilt anymore.

He's glad that he can feel something else other than guilt now.

"Are the voices bothering you again?" Keda asks as soon as Popee starts grumbling angrily to himself. "They're really annoying! If they had a—"He started to use his hands to seemingly form a body shape in the air, "—physical body, I'd kill them and use their corpses for my bloodthirsty desires!"

Kedamono's mask changes into a completely worried expression. Popee would find it hilarious, but he's too busy being too irritated about his current issue.

As much as his friend improved, Kedamono still finds him mentioning his psychopathic thoughts. Even though the possibility that he'll die for real this time if Popee kills him increased, he feels much safer; and that's exactly what Popee needed—Kedamono's trust and comfort.

'I hate this so much...'

Another trail of indecipherable sentences followed, and it's those Popee hates the most. They all seem to cover every context possible, and leave him confused and frustrated. Plus, there's just something so recognizable at the tone of their voices that makes him thirstier to understand each word they speak.

"ARGH, STOP!" Popee digs his fingers into his head. It looked painful to Keda, but all Popee really wanted at this point was for it to be done with him.

If this is what he gets for killing Papi, then you're too late, voices, Popee already learned his lesson very well and you didn't need to make it worse.

It was Keda that first noticed Popee's teeth digging into his already bleeding lower lip, and he immediately grabbed his wrist as if to distract him. "Popee, stop," Keda requests more than demanded, "Your lip's bleeding. Let's just relax, okay?"

"H-How the hec—How do I calm down with THIS?!" Popee exclaims, "It's turning me insane, Kedamono! How do you expect me to relax with this all over in my mind—""Stop panicking," Keda puts a finger at his mask's mouth, "That's the first step."

Popee pursed his lips. It's going to be hard for someone as panicky as he is—well; he can't use that word, because he's more on the overreacting side.

The voices are back again, but he doesn't listen this time. He tried not to; he figured that maybe listening to Kedamono this once would work better. Seeing Popee's obvious distressed expression, Keda starts to struggle with offering help with making it easier.

"Err..." He panics, "Uhm, picture that you're currently the world's best performer, everyone sheds their blood and sweat just to see you live, uhm, professionally sawing me, your supposed sidekick, in half, and, an—" He stops with a smile on his mask when he notices the ear-to-ear grin on Popee's now relaxed expression.

Popee sighs in relief, before looking up at Keda with a nervous face, "Want to eat drumsticks or something all day?"

Even despite Kedamono's overwhelming support, Popee couldn't help but consider his own death at times—maybe this time, he'll disappear like Papi did.

Maybe if he does that, he practically exchanges his life to bring back Papi, and then perhaps the voices would stop, and—

Kedamono wouldn't have to care about him anymore.

It stings to think that, but it's accurately what he deserves. He deserves rest. And Popee's not helping in any way or form—he's making it worse. He's making everything worse. He's such a horrible creature, why does he exist? Why does he HAVE to exist?

It's forcing him to stay alive. He doesn't WANT to stay alive.

Popee knows he has a higher chance of ending it all, after...Papi. But then he sees that stupid grin on Keda's mask and it all fades away—then, he's happy. Kedamono makes him happy.

But it shouldn't, because Popee doesn't have the right. He doesn't deserve each and every support he receives from Keda. Kedamono is so loving, kind, caring and so perfect and Popee...Selfish, spoiled, immature Popee who couldn't even do his job right.

He never felt any of this before, the overwhelming depression that he now has to carry all around on his shoulder, and having to act like it doesn't exist for the sake of Keda not having to be concerned for his sake.

His feelings are starting to get more genuine, real. He feels real things, and he wasn't expecting real feelings to hurt so much. He's lost all pride that keeps every inch of his spirit.

He's...just an empty shell of anger now. Kedamono doesn't need something like that.

And the voices—oh, the voices, they're here just to make it all worse, are they? Their job is to show Popee's true nature, so he would snap and make Kedamono realize that he shouldn't stay and tolerate him any longer, or worse, Popee will still snap in the end and probably kill Kedamono and oh god he doesn't want to hurt Keda anymore

He wants to die, he wants to see his wrist's veins open, drown in his own blood, and then maybe Papi's in a different afterlife where you don't get any horrible emotions like this, and Popee wants to be there.

Popee wants to be to what he used to be, a ball of jealousy.

But God, he'd kill to keep Kedamono, his angel, safe. No one and nothing shall touch him—and, if he leaves, Kedamono will be so exposed and vulnerable...Maybe, maybe, he'll find a new friend, and then—forget about Popee, but Popee doesn't want him to forget—

NO, NO, NO, NO YOU'RE NOT WORTHY OF THAT

If someone should ever keep Keda happy and safe, it's not Popee. He can't imagine it—but at the same time, he can—in his arms, Kedamono will be safe.

"Heh," Popee chuckles dryly to himself, 'If only your arms felt any at all safe.'

Kedamono is scared of him, hates him. It should stay like that.

Goal word count: Over 1K+

Achieved word count: 1,154